My partner doesn't want to end our relationship or work on it
The example I am about to give is perhaps silly, but I fell so low with my self esteem and trust, I just feel this is what I need at the moment.
For nearly 5 years my partner was tearing my trust apart by interacting with other, unknown women in a inappropriate way by texting them behind my back, complimenting them, even asking them for sex, just spreading his affection in the wrong direction. He would go out and always end up in a womens company, sometimes questionable texts pop up on his phone in the middle of the night from unknown numbers, I hurd him say he wants to have a sexual relationship with other women, one of them was his former boss. When he goes to the pub he always needs to drop a line to the weightress,...I want to end the relationship because to me this is disrespectful and it hurts. But he doesn't want to let go for unknown reason and keeps asking for second chances. I love him, I keep forgiving him, but I'm at a point where I need him to prove and reasure me thet I matter and that I'm important to him. So I asked him to delete all women from his social media that I don't know. Acctually it was a choice I gave him...it's either me or them. And he chose them. He explained that they are his former coworkers and that he had only professional relationship with them so he doesn't see a rational reason to delete them. He called me insane. So he kept them for the price of losing me. His choice tells me that I'm worthless. Is my request acceptable?
@cyanSpring31
There is no official right or wrong answer to this. Everyone will have an opinion.
IMHO, if what you write is accurate and objective you are 100% in the right for this and made a good choice.
To your other point. You are NOT worthless. His interest in you is lower than his interest in the others. That is it. Your worth is not determined by his opinion or choice.
From this time forward start working on your own self worth. Lots of info in this website to do that.
This exact issue occurs both ways, from the guy or from the girl. Usually the offender will tell trust trust trust. If our partner is uncomfortable with the relationship we have with a potential competitor they should try to remove the anxiety of there partner and minimize or remove the contact unless they have a higher priority or interest in the others.
Relationships are a negotiation with no instruction book. With each side trying to get what they want. If both sides place each other as priority it can work well. If not, then one side or the other is in anxiety.
It doesn't matter what others think of your choice, how you do your life it up to you. If you are not comfortable with your partner flirting with others and they will not stop your only choice is to be unhappy all the time or move on. I have seen and heard many telling stuff like, you don't have good self esteem if you can't put up with your partner flirting. I think that is hogwash, If it gives you anxiety they should stop it out of respect to you. If not, you move on.
Good Luck
@metalwater
Thank you so much for your opinion. I can't agree more. As I said, in my head I know this is going nowhere, but my heart is hangign on to something, I dont even know to what. I hope I'll be strong enough to walk away from this and stay away.
Thank you.
He tried to gaslight you by making you doubt your perspective, after disrespecting you for years without even bothering trying to hide it. You did the right thing. He doesn't deserve your love, and he will realize that if he keep acting like this he will never find love. Yes, you loved him, but self-respect comes before everything. You did what is best and you are giving yourself a chance to be happy again. For now, just take care of yourself, and be proud of making such a brave step! With time, I'm sure you'll find someone who truly respects and cares for you, worthy of your trust and love, and you'll be happy with him!
Hi Aayla,
Thank you for your comment, it empowered me. The more I think about it the more I can't believe what was I doing for 5 years?! The worst part is, I am not young anymore and he might cost me a lot more then just 5 years, but I realised I'm better of being alone making myself happy then having someone always thorwing me off the track.
Thanks so much and take care 👋
