My wife wants a separation
Between being part of the LGBTQ+ community and been a victim of sexual abuse I have struggled over the years to have a healthy relationship with sex. In my earlier years I had many partners and it felt degrading. Now I am married and my wife and I are in a sexless marriage due to me not feeling comfortable being touched or having sex.
She was extremely patient in the beginning but it felt too stressful and too much pressure. So after a few years she gave up trying. If we have sex once a month we both end up crying afterwards from all the emotion that has built up. The sex physically is great but emotionally It's not a pleasant experience. I try to avoid it.
I have tried different methods and therapy to fix this problem but it feels so fake. I know if I just relied on my own drive it would be once a month so for the sake of our marriage I should have done more.
Now my wife is talking about separating and an open marriage. I am so flooded with emotions I can't even think. There's so much pressure and I am failing. She is past the point of even considering couples therapy or any attempts by me to fix this.
I don't know where to start.
I am sorry you are going through this....... as a person on the other side of it I know it is tough on both spouses. Your situation unique with a bad past and while sympathetic when does your spouses needs come first.
It is an item that many people do not talk about the basically sexless marriage. it is more then just sex it is the connection one feels while having or after having sex.
Many spouses will go along patient as a saint.... maybe a once month or once every few months ......it is maybe physically reached but often maybe even not that ....there will be anger/ resentment ............... hoping the partner whom has issue or low sex drive will come around or work out issues .....at a certain point though it becomes an issue.
those of us waiting/ hoping / wanting more when we reach our limit it is not something we want to discuss and take slow etc .... we are done period...
I asked my spouse for an open marriage because they did nothing to meet me half way or anything ...... of course it was totally rejected idea but i can/ will pursue other options ...... and my resentment is quickly killing any other feelings i have for this person.
