Need some outside perspective!
Hello, First time posting. Need some outside perspective!
I (M32) was in a 10-year relationship where both of us had trouble communicating, especially around difficult emotions. I tended to shut down and avoid things, while she also struggled to express her(F30) needs, so problems built up instead of getting resolved.
She eventually ended the relationship, even though it was really hard for her, because it wasn’t working anymore and my depression was starting to affect her well-being. After the breakup, she became much more distant and sometimes talks about the relationship in a more negative way, which feels a bit inconsistent but is probably her way of coping.
At first, I took most of the blame, but over time I’ve realized it was more of a shared dynamic. I do see where I could have done better, especially emotionally, but I also know I couldn’t have fixed things alone.
Since then, I’ve been going through a lot of personal growth — actually facing my emotions, opening up, and working on myself in ways I didn’t before. I still have some attachment and a bit of hope that something could happen in the future, but I also understand it would take effort and change from both of us.
Right now we’re not in contact, and we’ll only meet once later on for practical reasons. My main focus is on continuing to grow, even though part of me still hopes she might see that change someday and maybe give me another chance.
Is there any hope or should i just let her go.
If there is anything you need to ask feel free or any clarification.
@Nosuu
Ten years is a long time.
It's admirable that you are working on you and processing your emotions and growing.
I think for now, you need to focus on you and what you need to be happy.
Maybe there'll be hope in the future, but only if she is putting work in on herself too, or you'll only go backwards and repeat the same old patterns.
I genuinely wish you the best of luck 💙
@Nosuu
It is great you are working on you and in that growth, you know her growth is on her you cannot change or fix her. When relationships fail it is on both sides period. Not always 50-50 but somewhere in middle. You have grown and maybe do not want what you had but something more.
No amount of time 5 or 10 even 20 years makes relationships work. 10 years is a big chunk of your life but that does not mean you have to try to save it or resurrect it. unless you both are in a better place short term, It will feel good and familiar but sooner or later you might be back to the place it was not working. I found it hard when i grew and changed as my partner treated me like nothing changed it is not worth it if they do not see you but see something you used to be.
