No contact after 7 years together
Hi. I've been going through a rough time. My relationship of 7 years ended. We are fighting a lot and we had a screaming match and someone called the cops and said they saw the guy shoved me. So he's been charged with domestic assault. And now we can't have any contact at all and we can't until he goes to court and there's a decision made. But with covid that could be delayed longer. I know we're very toxic, or at least we became toxic near the end. I feel really terrible, because even if charges get dismissed it's still on his record and he works in medicine. He won't pass any screening and I feel like it's all my fault. It was one shelf I didn't get hurt and I was in his face. And I'm just struggling because yeah we've been off and on for like 7 years but we've never gone more than a day without talking. And things are really bad and I feel like I ruined his life. And I know I did. And I'm struggling, because I just want him home and you can't get back together with someone after they ruin your life. I did my best, I called his parents and I called a lawyer immediately. I begged the police not to arrest him. I'm alone and I don't know how to be alone. We talked every single day, and I would come home with him everyday. And now it's nothing there is nothing. I don't know how not to be sad, I don't know how to work on myself. I can't sleep.
This is not advice and I am not held responsible for any actions based on this reply.
You can call him and talk or just find some way to talk(online).
If you are really devoted you could try your best and remove the case against him. I guess you understand that a fake sexual abuse/domestic violence case could impact someone's future in a negative way, especially a Male's but then again I guess you love him and he might just be sad and scared and lonely and depressed because that's what guys do, they keep everything in until they explode or until they want to but they cant
I have a feeling that you wanted a chance to get back together and maybe you could start of as friends.
That's all for now because I have to go to bed.
You're right. I appreciate your message.
I am so sorry to hear that. Law seems to be very strict in cases like this, to protect victims.
You really ought to talk to a lawyer.
This link might help
https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/can-a-domestic-violence-victim-get-the-charges-dropped-47246
I really hope for both of you that this case can be brought done to proportions.
And I would suggest couples counseling, as you seem to truly love your partner, and I feel (can't explain why) that your partner does truly love you. Maybe it is not too late to turn toxic around.
Warmth and love to the two of you.
Thank-you for the link. I haven't had much contact with anyone but his mother said the lawyer asked if I would want reconciliation and couples counseling and I said yes. I've spoken with the victims witness unit thing, where they asked me my opinion and what I think should happen and I said I think this should go away and maybe we do just need counseling. (I genuinely believe we do, we never really fought much but in the last couple of years we started fighting a lot more and this was after a really bad car accident we were in.) I really appreciate your message.
@enthusiasticBunny7917,
why would your relationship be over?
I seem to feel guilty, but you did not call the cops and actually begged them to let him go. You could testify for him, the someone who called the cops might have misinterpreted, so many possible outcomes and you don't know until you know.
Surely there must be ways to contact him. And if he is not convicted (and I am not an expert but based on what you shared I can hardly imagine that there is a case), you can probably get his record sealed. Depends which state you live in.
Again, do seek professional help. And do tell you are more then willing to testify for him, in case there is a case.
Take care.
They put an immediate restraining order. We can't have any contact until he goes to court and things are figured out. Given covid and how Ontario is right now, I don't know how long this will drag out and we can't have any communication until this has been finished. I gave statement and they told me I won't be going to court. I'm in Canada, it's the police that charge him. I can't have a say, I can give a statement and I can speak on his behalf and the prosecutor might take that into consideration. But there's not much I can do.
Thank you
@enthusiasticBunny7917
I know exactly where you are coming from. My BF and I have been together for 14 years. He's in jail for domestic and resisting arrest. Yes, he did punch me in the leg, grab me, and shove me. I too fell very alone, even though I have tons of friends for support. It's extremely hard, going from the constant contact to nothing at all. My BF has been in jail now for 3 weeks and we still have 3 weeks before his next court date. I haven't gone to any of this court dates, because I am not sure I want to deal with his issues anymore. I am getting to old to deal with things like this. I will also lose friends if I stay with him. When he's not drinking or popping pills, he's the sweetest, loving person I know. I too am on the fence about what to do...
Good luck and prayers that you make the right decision...
