Not the same after break up
Hi I’m new to this but I just need an outsiders perspective. I was in a relationship of 7 years with my ex-boyfriend. We started dating when I was 19. We were on the verge of getting engaged and I was going through a lot emotionally: family deaths and parents divorce. I was all over the place and I freaked out and broke up with him. We went though a lot in our 7 years. I guess I ended it because I always had the “what if” questions in my mind. What if I’m just in this because he’s all I’ve ever known? What if there’s more out there for me? What if he’s not the one? What if it was wrong for me to stay after he cheated? What if I’m just in it because I’m comfortable? What if I’m just in it because I’m scared of being alone? I was happy in that relationship but I was always afraid of staying because of comfortability. I thought I needed to find who I was without him. He helped shape me into who I became and I didn’t know life without him. He was my best friend and for a long time I thought he was end game. Fast forward a year and half later: I’m with someone else who I’m also happy with and I love but my mind keeps going back to my ex. I keep thinking back on him and our life together. Now my “what if” questions are: What if I made the biggest mistake of my life? What if he was the one and I ruined everything? What if I’ll never feel as comfortable without him in my life? What if I can’t ever get fully over him? I’m so confused and I find myself so depressed sometimes thinking about what I used to have with my ex. But I’m also happy when I’m with my current boyfriend. I don’t know if it’s due to the amount of time spent with my ex but I just feel like I’ll never get over these feelings. It’s a constant in the back of my head. I know I did this to myself which makes me feel even worse. Idk what to do I need to talk to someone.
@shyNorth67 I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. You may keep thinking back on your relationship with your ex because of familiarity, we’re often drawn back to what we’re familiar with when we’re starting something new that can be scary. If you’re happy with your current boyfriend, then that’s great. If you feel as though you miss your ex, however, then you may need to find a way to work through these issues more thoroughly😊
Yeah I think you’re right. He was familiar and comfortable. I’m unsure what I’m missing more: him specifically or the old life we shared together. I think I still love him though. Do you know ways to help work through these issues? I’m often found in a funk where I keep reminiscing and thinking back to how things once were.
@shyNorth67 I suppose all you can really do is keep reassuring yourself that you’ve made the right decision. I don’t know how much of this your current boyfriend is aware of, but try to be honest with him about any doubts you’re having, and perhaps he could help reassure you as well.
Yeah i try to reassure myself as best as I can. Sometimes I spiral. But I’m trying. And Idk how much I can tell him honestly bc I don’t want him to feel insecure about us either. Thank you so much @happysunflower23 You have no clue how much it means that you took the time to read and respond to me.
shyNorth67 Whatever you do I wish you all the best, I’m sure you’ll figure something out😊