On the brink of divorce
I’m new to this kind of thing but I hit a wall with my feelings and what to do. My husband and I have been together on and off since elementary school but got started a full on relationship 7 years ago. He had two kids and I had two kids we tried to have one of our own together for a couple of years with no success. We’ve been through a lot from the very beginning from not being able to have a successful pregnancy, to me having cancer and having to have a hysterectomy, family issues, house fire, his kids mom up and leaving and abandoning the kids and my moms passing away within a year of each other. That’s a little of the back story. Now we have always had issues from the beginning. His family did horrible things to us but specifically me. Lying issues, money issues and our kids. I’ve dealt with all these issues with the help of my mom and wanting to make things work because of our kids, but since I lost my mom a couple years ago I’ve really been struggling mentally and emotionally. The issues I’m struggling with right now are the communication support and parenting issues. We don’t ever really talk it’s usually an argument or all out fight. Somehow someway it becomes this one way or another. Parenting issues are specifically towards his kids. I’m always wrong in how I do things one way or another. I can’t handle it anymore I feel so defeated on every level. So tonight I told him that he should get a babysitter for his kids since I don’t parent them correctly. Which has been a fight for years over this. Now it’s my fault I’m changing the family and I’m making him have to miss work because he doesn’t have a babysitter although he could ask his mom but out right refused Bc he didn’t want to. Now if he loses his job thats my fault too Bc I told him to get a babysitter and that I wouldn’t watch his kids and now he has to call off work. Which wasn’t the case I told him if he couldn’t find a babysitter then obviously I would but he wasn’t even going to see if his mom could watch them it was just straight to I will have to call off work and then I’ll probably lose my job and that will be your fault. That’s just one of our fights, I need help and I have no one else to turn to so if you have any advice or want to talk please just message me. Thank you
@crimsonTiger1720
Oh dear, it looks like you've been through so much! I'm so sorry to hear about all of that and especially the passing of your mum, grieving is often a long process that can have a profound effect on us. Is it possible that the emotional toll of her passing is affecting how you're responding to your husband which may be causing tensions?
Suggesting he get a babysitter if he wasn't happy is fair enough in my opinion. If he can't appreciate what you're doing and how much you're trying, then he should consider different options.
There seems a lot of blaming which results in this cycle of arguing. Break the cycle by viewing it as an obstacle to overcome together. Try not to fall into his view of blaming him because it makes you as bad as him and perpetuates that cycle. You are a team, something isn't right, work on it. Fighting each other will not solve anything.
My suggestion would be to consider couple's therapy if that is affordable for you two. They can really go into the depths of your relationship and suggest ways to get through it.
Wishing you all the best!