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Possible divorce help!

User Profile: diligentEyes710
diligentEyes710 January 2nd, 2022

So 2 days after Christmas my husband told me he wanted a divorce. Now we've been together for 7 years in total coming up on our 2nd year of marriage. My husband is my best friend and I love him with every I am so this came to a huge shock. He's military and overseas right now and won't be back for another 5 months, so for a total he would be gone for a year. Now long distance is hard enough, but we were already struggling before he left. It was mostly due to that fact, we had never lived together and I had to move to a state where I knew no one during covid. He was already settled and had Friends where I didn't so I counted on him for a lot more than was fair. Now back current with him gone, we were definitely drowning is miscommunication. He was pulling away due to being away from family and honestly I think depression but with him pulling away I was full close to the same and just like he didn't care. I had brought it up and he would apologize and it would get fixed never once saying he was strugglingwhen I asked . But then it kept happening and finally I snapped, i asked if he even wanted to put the effort in to make this work and to my surprise he said I don't know. He said plainly he wasn't sure he wanted to save our marriage word for word. I asked what he ment and he basically told me he was depressed in which I told him we could work this out as long as he was willing to pit the effort so was I. That period was hard I felt myself pulling back as well and getting angry all the time cause he wasn't trying so I called him to say maybe we needed to cut contact work on ourselves and then work on us when he came home. Basically a break but to my surprise he said he just wanted a divorce, he said he had been with legal a month before settling paperwork. Now in the state we got married before you can file for divorce you have to file for separation which takes six months. I basically begged for him to give me those six months and try to work on us after a day or 2 he agreed when things calmed down and if he still felt the same I'd sign the divorce papers no questions asked. I've been trying my hardest but he seems so detached and I can just feel it looming over us I also don't understand I had ask if he still loves Me and he says he does so I don't know what more I can do. If anyone had any advice I'd be extremely thankful. Even in our hard ships he's still my person and I can't see my future without him I want this to work so badly

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User Profile: PeachCrisp7128
PeachCrisp7128 January 2nd, 2022

It sounds like he was struggling before, but you are trying to take on all the weight in order to save the relationship. Not sure a 5 month break will solve any of that. If he’s depressed, but can’t or won’t work on it, you can’t help him or make him.


You may want to protect and work on yourself. If he overseas and military, he may not be able to seek mental health help. He may be giving up. He may think you’re better off without him. He may also be agreeing to “work on things” because he can’t say no.

1 reply
User Profile: diligentEyes710
diligentEyes710 OP January 2nd, 2022

I've unfortunately thought about all of those things you listed as well. I'm in the process of working on myself I'm just hopeful he'd find his way back to me. I know I can't exactly force my feelings down his throat but that's the weird part about it he still says he loves me it's just like he's numb. I've been trying to get to the core of it like when it started that I've basically got from him he got burnt out while we moved in cause of the pressure I put on him. Which can definitely be fixed I'm just trying to find ways I can remind him that it's worth to fix. Cause I think it mostly has to do with him gone.

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