Pretty sure I lost her.

I just found someone I cared for dearly after 3 years of being single. Over Christmas I only got to spend half the day with her which bummed me out so I decided I felt like drinking. Unfortunately I’m an alcoholic, so drinking meant a relapse and me dropping off the map for 2 days. When I finally talked to her again, I told her what had happened and what I am and the last message I received was “I’m sorry too and you’re a really great person. You were the first person I talked to after ending my long term relationship and it was really nice to have met a genuinely kind person like you. I just think it’s best to have some space right now.” I’ve been going crazy hating myself for drinking and screwing up the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I don’t think I’ll hear back from her and I’m starting to get really depressed. It’s made me realize just how lonely I have been these past years. I don’t know what to do.