Putting my foot down guilt!
My ex-husband and I were married for five years, three years into our marriage we had our twin daughters. He always had a drinking problem but it was amplified after the twins were born. (I found my one year-old crawling in his puke while he was passed out..) This past August I finally left him because of his drinking.
As bad as it was being married to him it's been worse being his ex, at least being married to him I had a little more control over the situation. For example, this past weekend I pulled a muscle, I asked him if he could watch our two-year-old twins so I can go to the ER for an hour or two. He said he couldn't because he promised he would take his new girlfriend (if 2wks) fishing. For me to stop being lazy and just take the girls with me. 😳
Up until now He is only paid for half of day care, I pay for everything else. The girls live with me 99% of the time. So I pay for groceries, utilities, mortgage, shoes, clothes.. everything.
This weekend is just the latest of his immature actions, Of him putting women ahead of his daughters.
so I've hired a lawyer who's going to take him to court for child support. Who is going to be asking the judge to make him pay a lot more than he is now (half of all their expenses), my question is, why do I feel bad? He has done me so wrong since the divorce. He has cussed me out, belittled me and put women ahead of my children, why do I feel bad taking him to court?
@Reaux218 You maybe feel bad as you had a close connection to them?
@Reaux218
When you start to feel guilty, perhaps you should consider three excellent reasons why you shouldn't in the slightest.
1. Your first daughter
2. Your second daughter
3. Your mental, emotional, and financial health
He had responsibilities. As you've clearly pointed out, he's failed at those responsibilities. When you fail at your responsibilities, there are consequences. You wouldn't need a court order if he had stepped up to the plate and already did what was right and responsible.
You've been carrying the torch for quite some time, long before you even left him -- which, sounds like a very responsible and reasonable thing to do, btw.
There are a few things on the horizon that you may want to also consider.
It will be important for your twin girls to have a stable, responsible, and honorable father figure in their lives and that does not need to be him, because he may not have the caliber personality that you'd want influencing your young daughters.
The twins are going to get older. As they get older, as do the expenses of raising them are going to increase. It's going to be expensive to put them through college, put clothes on their bodies, pay for healthcare when they get sick, feed them, and take care of them along with providing them the kind of life they deserve to have.
So, fight for and take the money. The guilt you feel will subside over time after you've put in the effort, time, and energy to make sure your girls are raised with respect, decency, positive role models, and appropriate structure.
Good luck to the three of you.
I ask myself the same thing. My husband and I moved into my father's home to save money since rent was getting ridiculously expensive. He's always been verbally abusive with me but then it spread to my family. He disrespected my father and was kicked out. I haven't spoken to him because I know this cycle and I don't want to get roped back in to a crappy relationship but you are right. I miss him and care for him. I ask myself why if he has treated me so badly over the years. It barely going to be a month since he moved out but I hope I can get through this and not let him back into my life.