Questioning PTSD?
I was diagnosed with clinical depression in my teens and have always been open with everyone about this.
I was married for 6 yrs. He told me he was infertile as he'd had tests previously. We spent 3 yrs and thousands on ivf and finally in 2009 had abeautiful baby girl with sperm donation. Fast forward two years. living a normal happy life, good sexlife. Got up one morning and he says, sorry i don't love you anymore and can't cope with your depression. Spent a week begging him not to break up and he asked me to move out the next week. He disapeared with a freind every night and didnt come home. I was devastated. He arranged a rented house 30 miles away from our house so me and our daughter not only lost him, but all our freinds and our lives. Found out the "freind"was a female from work, and the week i moved out with our daughter, she moved in.
They lived together 2 years and had a biological son (yes he could have kids). Something went wrong and she moved out with the son and dissapeared. My ex searched for her for 6 months.
I know all this because i still see him once a fortnight as he has our daughter and he acts like nothing has happened and we are best freinds.
The thing is, every feww days i get reallyangry if i get a text off him andi get nasty with everyone around me. I cry all the time about memories and hurt for myself and my daughter. I wake up in the night sweating having relived the break up all again and hanging on his legs pleading to stay with me. I loved him so much and he hurt me to my core. 6 years later and i cant get over it.
Thing is, you wont believe it, im married again. I love my husband very much and he knows everything but i still cant move on from the pain of my previous break up....any ideas?
@lorrie45
Hi there Lorrie, I'll try to give you an answer about your post.. I'm sorry you had to endure such a situation, must be really hard to cope with it, but at least you got the support of your new husband, and that's a lot.
You're asking about PTSD but, as far as I can understand your situation, it seems to me more about a grief not completely elaborated, more than a PTSD. As you may already know, grief elaboration doesn't kick in only for the death of people we care for, but for every important loss we experience, even about ourselves or the environment we live in (and in this case a relationship, or the possibility to live with your daughter). A PTSD usually involves a real, or perceived, danger to our lives, so it is a slightly different thing.
You said that you talk to your ex but that probably isn't enough. His behaviour, anyway, makes me think about the possibility that the relationship was already not so good even before the child, so it is a problem of the relationship per se, not functioning correctly or maybe something else.
You ask: any ideas? A lot.. going forward to understand your present situation about the process of the grief elaboration could be one, and it's the first thing I would explore. Talking with him, trying to understand what really happened and why, could be a second idea. Other ideas could come knowing about you, and your past relationship.
I understand this is a somewhat limited answer, but I hope it could help you even a tiny bit.
Giulio Belluomini
