Sacrifices
My husband and I are having relationship issues and have been going to therapy for several months. So far we haven't made much progress. We initially seemed to make a little progress but then he left on a weeklong camping trip and we lost our momentum. Unfortunately we haven't gotten it back yet. He says he wants to work on the relationship but it doesnt seem to be a priority and he hasnt applied much effort in my opinion. In a few weeks he has a hunting trip planned. He goes every year. He drives 2 days across the country to meet with a friend and a few relatives. Initially it was going to be 10 days but he is talking about adding a couple more days. I'm concerned that time apart will not be beneficial for our relationship. Would it be wrong/selfish for me to ask him to forego the trip this year so we can spend time working on us? We are on the brink of divorce so if I asked and he refused I guess that would give a clear idea of where his priorities are. I just feel guilty because he looks forward to it every year. Shortening the trip wouldnt be feasible for him since 4 days are travel days. Thoughts?
@determinedWalker5910
Relationship issue are always not fun..
Usually the time apart will be good for the issues as long as neither is planning to hook up with someone else. As that is not the concern for this case, it probably is a good thing... I know that feels not good when you want to resolve issues to lower anxiety.. but.. those discussions can sometimes make things worse.. the time away can possible heal something and make the discussion later more productive with results that you might like better.
When therapy doesn't work well it is frustrating. One of the things that some therapist do is try to get the couple to negotiate things in a way to help each other get what they want or get the other person to make some changes. There are some situations where this works well. In others, the root cause of ALL the issues is a decrease in attraction from one side or the other... As your the one asking looking for the changes my guess is your attraction level to him is less that it used to be. It doesn't matter how many things you two do to accommodate each other until the attraction level goes up. After it goes up if it does then all the other things don't matter again, just like it was in the beginning...
I don't know enough of the details of course to make specific ideas, but generally what would he need to do to make you more attracted to him.. Is he in good physical shape and taking care of himself, does he earn enough money, dressing well and looking sexy... Leading the family... Not things really to answer back, but just to think about. If your therapist is not making things better, look for a therapist that will work specifically on helping you two to have more attraction to each other. It can be done, couples do it every day and then things get better fast...
It probably is not all him... maybe some stuff on your side also, the more attracted he is to you the more he will naturally want to do what you ask for.
If I have it all wrong.. don't be offended, just through this away.
Good Luck
@determinedWalker5910
What about saying something like "I am worried about our relationship. I know your hunting trip is really important to you and I'd hate for you to miss out on that. At the same time, I'm worried that we're drifting father apart and this will make it harder. Do you have any ideas?"
@peacefulforest75
Thank you. That may be a good way to approach it.