She's gone I doubt everything she ever told me

I fell in love with someone I barely knew we didn't grow up together you know where this is going. We only met 3 times face to face our first time i was 12 & she was 16 now I'm 17 & she's 21 and last time we saw each other was in May we went silent since 2012 and during our brief time together in May she'd talk about how I was so cute and handsome and I think she hit on me by calling me sexy and I'm In love with her but she's in a relationship with the same guy from 6 years ago. I know she wasn't pleased with him back then and her parents and sister still don't like him but...her mother is my father's sister 😔 I can't help who I love & I feel like a monster for this but she made me feel like my life actually mattered. Her extended family (my dads family) make rumors like I'm gay annorexic pyru child molester (I wished 1 of their grand kids happy birthday 🙄) they don't even believe I'm related to them they talked about doing a DNA test. There's no way not even in hell I'd fall for her if I grew up w/ her. But I fell for her twice & both times she entered my life when I thought all hope was lost. She is my high. I live a lonely life. I can't go out alone in public, I haven't left the house since May. All people ever want from me is business she showed me love. She wants to help me. I feel like she might hate me only because I'm public enemy number one but I've never felt this way before. Everyday I get teenagers telling me to hang myself she saved me. SO HELP ME GOD!!! 😭😔😇🙏👼🏿