Should I leave
Hi All,
My partner and I have been together for four years and we have been living together for 3.
When we got together I found out that he was cheating on his ex throughout his relationship by having random encounters.
I was very upset by this as I was worried that he seemed to be able to cheat and see his ex immediately after without any guilt or remorse, I worried about what time of person he was. I shared my concerns with him at length on numerous occassions and he explained that it was different with me and that the encounters were meaningless and that he had grown as a person.
3 months ago I dound out that he has been frequenting the places that he used for his random encounters throughout our relationship. When I confronted him he at first denied it and said that I was making him feel like a slut. He later admitted it but would not admit that anything physical happened, even though I know that it definitely did happen in his previous relationship. He said that it was stupid and meaningless and that he loves me and won't do it again. I pointed out that those were the same things he said when we got together but he insisted this time was different.
I now can't stop thinking that I should leave him. But I have doubts such as the fact that he said nothing physical happened and that it won't happen again. Problem is that I don't know if I can be with somebody that can lie to me about where they are and then make the effort to drive somewhere else in the hope of having a random sexual encounter. I do believe that the encounters (if any) were limited to foreplay and not full on sex.
Its the deceipt that bothers me most, and the very real possibility that there could have been even more going on than I got him to admit to.
On the other hand it was random encounters and not not an affair so I am not sure if that should make me feel better.
Thanks
@amusingSpring1100
Yep, you should definitely leave.
You say that,
"I now can't stop thinking that I should leave him. But I have doubts such as the fact that he said nothing physical happened and that it won't happen again."
This is more than enough the reason for you to leave that relationship. Your relationship has no trust. A relationship without trust will not end well, no matter how many times you communicate your needs. In addition, no matter how many times you tell him X, Y and Z. If you always have that doubt of him possibly having an affair, then this relationship is not a healthy one.
Move on and find a more compatible partner who you can confide your trust in. There is no point in continuing an unhealthy relationship.
Best~
@SenpaiXD
Thanks so much for the feedback. Now I just need to work up the courage to have the conversation.
@amusingSpring1100
from my own experience, its better to leave, move on and do not look back. i know how devastating and hurtful it is. i once got back with an ex that has cheated on me. i was hurt by the betrayal and scarred me. i decided to give him another chance since he was trying so hard. let me tell you what comes after getting back with that ex. after that, i lost trust in him. i cried a lot. i suffered a lot. i would look through his phone and i would get paranoid for every little thing. it wasnt a good time for the both of us. i was constantly asking myself is this was worth it. i kept fighting with myself. i knew i should have not gone back with this person but my heart says otherwise. i might have forgiven him but forgetting is far more harder to do. i would constantly cry everytime i remembered what happened. i would constantly question him about it and we just kept fighting over it. i would get anxious whenever hes out with his friends. I was making myself suffer more and more. i couldnt trust him anymore. i could no longer believe anything that he said. this went on for months till i finally decided to let go. it was painful because i loved this person but the trust wasnt there anymore and its true, without trust-- its not going to be a successful relationship. it was hard to finally let go but it was the best decision ive ever made. this experience was not pleasant and i suffered but i learned a lot. its really not that hard to be faitful to one person so when someon cheats, they were not sincere with you to begin with. let it go even though its hard and may break your heart. its better than constantly breaking yours in the process of working things out and only to find yourself unable to forget. its really hard when theres no trust in a relationship, trust me. just take this as a lesson learned and the right guy who will not cheat on you will come. good luck and be strong !!
@generousPear8612
Thanks so much for the feedback.
