Should i give him my trust one more time?
I was swept off my feet by my current partner. he was there for me after i left my abusive partner of 9 years. literally my night in shining armor.
3 years on, we are talking about breaking up because of trust issues. i gave him my trust believing i was his world, & special to him. only to have my trust shattered over & over. I discover him chatting with other girls - past flings - sms & lately encouraging a friendship which was turning into more than friends. along the way he'd lied about many & various things....whereabouts, who he was with & stupid things i wondered why on earth he lied about. I was so sad that he was doing this to me & doing these things but i forgave him & made him promise not to lie to me. we spoke clearly about what is acceptable & our boundaries.
The last 2 major lies - forget about all the other little ones along the way - were by far the worst. the last was the most humiliating of all. we were had a rocky patch & he confided in an ex fling. yes he needed to confide to someone. The conversation turned from discussing problems he was having with me which included extremely hurtful and shocking things...to talking about their past & how much she turned him on and got really full on. he told her i am paranoid about him sneaking around & he's given me no reason - the emails are a pretty good reason right?
Am i stupid to give this one last shot? I've lost respect for him but there is so much good in him that i still hold hope? how do i trust him?
@gentleCake4326
Hi. It sounds like you have been through a lot lately. Trust is so important in a relationship, I know you know that. You sould very insightful and intelligent so I know I am not telling you anything you dont know. Rather, sometimes just hearing and talking things through it helpdul. Youre right, he needed to confide in someone, it sounds like he did not choose wisely about who that would be since an ex is not someone I would consider wise counsel. If he is telling her disrespectful things about you like youre being paranoid than he is not respecting you at all, and that would be something I would talk to him about. How do you regain trust, you work together as a couple. If he is unwilling to help you heal and move toward regaining trust than you are forced to do it alone or leave. If he is not willing to help you then you need to do the work alone and figure out a way to forgive (not forget) him and try to move forward. I dont think this can be accomplished just on your own, without the help of your partner who hurt you and broke your trust but you can certainly try.
You can't really force yourself to trust someone, especially when they've shown they're not deserving of it. And going through a rough time is not an excuse for him to cheat btw. Hopefully you have enough self respect to do whatever is best.
@gentleCake4326
Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I understand you don't like being in this place. Well, I think he has given you enough reasons to doubt him. In any relationship, and especially in romantic relationships, honesty is really important. Lies, be it small or big, are not acceptable. When trust is broken, it's really difficult to build it up again.
You are not stupid to want to give this another try. Love is like that, it can cling to hope forever. But, is that necessarily a good thing? That depends. If you want to give it another shot, do you think you will be able to trust him completely again, and to forgive him for all that he has done? Or do you think you'd be holding on to resentment secretly? And, another really important question is do you think he will prove that he's worthy of your trust? You might want to ask yourself these questions.
I know we tend to settle when we feel like we are not good enough. But, know that you deserve the best. You deserve someone you can completely trust. Take care of yourself. Maybe building your self-esteem would make you strong enough to go for what you deserve.