Sleepless but still surviving- when will I get over this guy

I don't know if whether I should seek help st this point for depression or if it is merely the current situation. He was quite controlling and manipulating towards the end of the relationship and so it has been really tough to piece myself back together after that. I don't feel like I can talk to many people about still missing him and how hard it is right now as it has been around 8 months since the break up.i feel like everyone expects me to have moved on and be over it by now, and anything I say will be met with a response of you need to move on. It's easy to say and act like you are but it's the hardest thing to do in your mind. Especially after being with someone you thought was the one and then the next day he was gone.

@Nemo23

Hey there, thanks for the reply. There's a few things I would like to point out;

It's been a while since I last posted on a previous thread.to cut a long story short my boyfriend of 6 years who I was devoted to and ready to marry had depression (This one of the most hurtful and confusing things to go through when a partner is feeling depressions, it'll come with a lot of unpredictable behaviors and confused feelings coming from him) and over the process of a painstaking 6 months left me for a girl at work. (This tells me they have been talking for awhile, getting to know each other while he was on a relationship. A lot of people tend to get fearful then seek other people because they don't want to go through a painful breakup and when their needs are not, and often they don't communicate properly). I was just broken.couldnt sleep, couldn't eat, hysterical crying, you name it. (It's understandable that you felt this way, you had a long term relationship with him, so emotional healing takes time. Breakups it's one of the most painful and hurtful things to go through, specially if you felt abandoned or your needs not being met growing up). I had a month where I was living alone in our house with no friends or family around (I could see you went through a lo after the breakup happened, there were not people around to give you the support you need during this time. A lot of memories and hurt probably came to mind to the point it made you feel hurt and sad regarding everything about the breakup) working at the same place as the girl he cheated on me with. (This must had felt like a dagger and a constant reminder of what happened between the two of you. It's tough working on the same place as them and then seeing them together at times.) Thankfully I got our of that situation and spent an amazing 5 months working abroad in Costa Rica doing something I loved.it was tough st times and my ex texted me apology messages whilst I was out there wanting to be friends but I said I couldn't do it. (You did the right hints by not accepting friendship after everything that happened, and being friends with him would have caused you further hurt and prolong the emotional healing)

Now I've come back and it's really tough again.im back in my parents house, no job and lots of rejection emails flying in, not many friends left in my old town and those who are I am not too close to anymore, and I can't help but feel alone. (Humans are wired for connection and socializing, without this it's where they begin to feel depression, loneliness and other feelings). I talked to my ex a little when I first got back but he was wuite unresponsive, took ages to reply and didn't really seem like he was wanting to talk anymore. (This tells me you tried to seek his support out of loneliness, and hoping he would give you his support. It's a bad idea to seek his support after what he did, it's very important that he earns you back. This guy did showed what you went through was not a priority). I've not talked to him since and he is still with the girl he left me for. (Im glad you haven't talked to him since then, emotional healing should be the priority)

I still miss him as a friend and if I'm honest still love him despite all of this. (It's normal you feel this way, love is not going to go away quickly). Right now my life is a bit sucky and I am finding myself missing him more as a result. (It's understandable you miss him, you'll feel his absence). I am not sleeping and finding myself crying hysterically each night again. It's difficult being back alone again. (I can tell is very difficult for you to handle loneliness, it becomes very painful and hurtful. The way you are feeling has to do more than the breakup, you are going through all kind of emotions and feelings that are being triggered from the traumatic things you experienced growing up.) I don't know if whether I should seek help st this point for depression or if it is merely the current situation. (I think it's definitely very important to seek a therapist to help you work through this breakup, because at this point it's turning into deep depression. It's very important to start working on this before it gets any worst)

He was quite controlling and manipulating towards the end of the relationship and so it has been really tough to piece myself back together after that. (This tells me he is very insecure and a control freak. People like him tend to control and manipulate from a place of fear and anxiety, they are afraid of losing the other person, so they control and manipulate on order to not lose the object of their desire. He will make the other person feel trapped and without freedom with these kind of behaviors, and it will turn the relationship into a toxic one. He has a very hard time regulating his emotions and poor communication skills)

I don't feel like I can talk to many people about still missing him and how hard it is right now as it has been around 8 months since the break up. I feel like everyone expects me to have moved on and be over it by now, and anything I say will be met with a response of you need to move on. (You should ask them what are the steps to move on with precise detail and I bet you they wouldn't be able to say it. The term "move on", it's used to invalidate a person feeling and because they don't really know what to do or say. Healing from a breakup varies from person to person, it's not the same for everyone. A person who has a secure attachment will heal a lot of faster from a breakup because they know their needs will be meet one day again. A person who has an anxious attachment will take a long time to heal from a breakup because they fear their needs will not be met again, the breakup phase become very painful since it triggers old feelings from their childhood, and it becomes hard to cope with loneliness etc. The abandonment issues and feeling neglected from childhood are playing a major role in this breakup becoming longer to heal.) It's easy to say and act like you are but it's the hardest thing to do in your mind. (Thats true) Especially after being with someone you thought was the one and then the next day he was gone. (It's very painful and hurtful knowing a person you thought was the one would leave like this, and then knowing he is with someone else.)

I am going through exactly what you are going through. Although my story is different from yours, I am dealing with the same emotions and a lot of pain. I feel so sad, alone and empty. I gave up so much for this guy and have every right to be angry but I still love him. I

I have been going through the same pain. He left me for someone at his work and he was talking to me for few weeks as my bf without conveying me the truth that he proposed her. I suffered a lot and I am still doing. I gave him all I can keeping myself down for him. Yet, he seeked love elsewhere by giving me lame reasons for his actions. All my friends ask me to move on and I deserve someone better than him. But I live alone and am always alone which makes me miss him more and more. It's been 1.5 months since I came to know about his marriage with that woman but he is still in my mind. I don't know how long I will be like this or if someone really good comes into my life. Everything is depressing and confusing. It shocks me to read so many similar stories on internet. I wish I have read them when I was in relationship as I would have identified the clear signs of manipulation and control he had over me.

@Nemo23

I don't normally reach out to people like this but I feel like I need to now. My boyfriend of 10 years broke up with me 4 days ago. I know things have been shaky between us for some time already, but there was hope, you know? We fought, we broke up, then we made up again. We promised each other that we would get better. But after the last fight, which didn't even seem like a big deal, he told me that he didn't want to go on anymore. He said our relationship had been toxic for a while already and he was tired of trying.

I accept that it's over but I also feel so lost because the future I used to picture with him is gone now. So I'm going through the forums. To see that there are other people who are going through the similar things make me feel like I'm not alone. I do have friends and family who support me, but whenever they are gone, I feel so alone again. And I also feel like a burden that I need constant support.

I also did the mistakes of looking through his social media contents. He was so cold and distant on the day that he broke up with me and I also felt like he was doing way better than I am doing now. As if all those years that we spent for each other didn't matter. Like I didn't matter. It is so painful to think like that. Two days ago, I ended up reaching out to him and asked how he got over me so easily, how he got it more figured out that I was. He told me to think about all the toxic things. He said it'll get better. He said love was gone slowly too. Now that I look back, I feel like he was slowly erasing me out of his life for years already but I kept hanging onto the last pieces of it. I feel so naive too.

I don't think he ever physically cheated on me, but his heart had been wandering many times even when we were still together. He also blamed me partly for that. Well, we blamed each other for a lot of things. The fact that he was no longer kind and caring towards me on the last day is something that keeps me going on. It's a warning that I shouldn't ever go back to him again. But I am so sad. I can't shake the sadness out of my heart.

So I feel your pain. I hope that we can talk to each other and support to get through this thing.