So confused right now??!
I been with the same woman for 10 years now, married since 2019 and we separated in June 2021 with her asking for a divorce in Aug.
Well, its been over a year now with me not reaching out and no contact. Here in Canada, you need to be separated for 1 year before filing for divorce. I thought I would be receiving the papers by now but nothing. Its been almost 0 contact since last Aug except if it was a family get together. She reached out a few times to meet to discuss our daughter (my stepdaughter) and that was that. Last few months, she texted me to meet to talk about her again but never followed thru with it.
So confused as to whats going on and what is happening. I don't want the divorce and believe we can make this work. My counsellor knows about all this and even he is confused.
I want to reach out but at the same time, scared to and scared all together.
So frustrating.
@zander,
I feel you.
My wife filed for divorce months ago. All has been settled expect for finalizing. She wants to wait until Feb 2024 as it would financially benefit me.
I have been struggling with that. Telling myself there is still time. That we still deeply love each other (which we do, we have both expressed). But sometimes that is not enough, and one has to choose for self, and walk alone, find oneself.
My wife wants to be left alone. And all I can do is accept.
So, all you can do is accept. She might or might not change her mind. There is nothing you can do about that. All you can do is let it rest, and focus on you.
Cut the emotion bonds. Divorces happen for a reason, in my honest opinion too often for all the wrong reasons, but they happen.
All you can do is keep distance. Radio silence. And be kind and gentle to you.
I read a book about self compassion by Kristin Neff and that book really helped.
Take care and be kind. By being kind to self you will be kind to others, automatically.
Thanks man.
The thing is I am glad not to be served with papers. I don’t want the divorce. I want to still have a chance, even after a year has passed.
And I don’t even know if there is a chance because I have radio silence but that was my choice. If she reached out, I would talk but I feel that if there is any chance, she would have to reach out first.
@zander,
I understand. I did not want a divorce either, and my wife didn't want it either but she had to choose for her.
There is nothing I can do. There is nothing you can do apart from accept.
Clinging on to hope gets you stuck. You will have to start accepting the situation.
As I say it, my door is still open, but I am not gonna sit and wait.
Time to take your losses.
What helps me is to direct the love I feel for her towards myself. Not easy, especially as we both still love each other deeply.
But it helps, little by little. I am basically alone in my spare time. Enjoying nature. Learning. Growing. I feel no anger, no regrets, no blame to either of us. Just grateful that I met my wife. My true soulmate.
@dukeofdearham
I was talking to her sister yesterday and no one in the family knows where her mind is right now.
The only silver lining I think I heard was that my ex wishes that we could chat like we used to. But my feelings say that if she wants that, then why not make the first move and reach out.