Starting Over Again at Nearly 30
**Cross posted in the "Being Single" community discussion.
My 11 year relationship is likely going to be over at the end of this crisis. The decision is not really in my hands (I want to work on it), but I think he wants to end the relationship (he won't really tell me one way or the other). Besides being heartbroken and terrified about losing the person I love and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I am utterly terrified about starting over again at nearly 30. We have been together since we were 18, and I am now 29.
From a financial perspective, I am worried, but I think I would make it work. It would be tight and tough decisions would have to be made, but I think I could make it work and I know my family would help if I really needed them to.
The bigger concern for me is having to start all over again from a relationship perspective. I have not been on a date since I was 18, and it seems very different than it did back then. The few friends I have who are single (who are all younger than me), say it sucks. As a woman, I feel pressure starting over at 30 because the clock is ticking if I ever decide I want children. I thought I would be married by now and have some time to decide on children. Instead, I am now facing not getting married until probably 35 at the earliest.
Does anyone (particularly women) have experience being single in their 30s? How are you managing it? Are you feeling anxiety or pressure from society or family or a ticking clock? How are you finding dating? Any honest accounts would be so appreciated, as I am trying to mentally steel myself for all of this.
Am I just being stupid and letting my anxiety-riddled brain get the better of me?
@Avantgardenx
I am sorry to hear abou your relationship difficulties. It seems that you were very invested and committed to it. I am sorry to hear that it may come to an end. However, I am glad that you have started to think about what you will do next and what life will look like for you. You are aware that things may be difficult but are looking at ways in which to get through it. I commend you for this as it takes a lot of courage.
In terms of starting over at nearly 30, I can reassure you that you are not alone in this. As many people are focused on careers and getting finances in order before having a family and getting married, their are many couple who hold off on getting married. Many people are also dating around and looking for 'The One' and wanting to be sure about their choice. That being said, there wil be plenty of people to date and maybe enjoy the single life a bit.
Dating at this stage will be different with social media and dating apps. However, I have every confidence that you will figure it out within due time. It will be a learning curve but it is important to try and take the pressure off of yourself. Try and relax through the process. Many people have children later in life and have happy healthy pregnancies and children. Putting too much pressure on yourself will only cause more anxiety around the issue. Many men at 30 who are ready to settle down are poking for a woman who is wanting to commit to a serious relationship. With your track record, they may see you as someone who is not afraid to commit an d willing to put in the effort to make things work, grow with her partner, and supportive of her partner.
From experience, I was 28 when I met my husband. I had one long-term and long-distance relationship before then. I met my ex in University and we dated for four years My husband and I het it off immediately and got married two years later. We had our first child two years ago. It is possible to do things later in life!
I hope this has help in some way. Feel free to messege me on 7 Cups if you would like to talk further about this!
Take care and stay safe!