Staying Worse Than Leaving
It all depends on the situation. In general, I'd say it's good to discuss openyl and deeply with your partner any issue that might happen, before making a drastic decision. Dialogue is the key of healthy and successful relationships. However, if the partner refuses to try working on the issue after you've talked about it, if they're being abusive or intentionally disrespectful, it is always better to care for yourself first, and leave. Whatever holds you back is not as important as the respect you owe to yourself, as the chance of happiness that you can have if you start looking for it elsewhere, and no longer in a relationship where you can't have what you deserve. Love may trick us into believing that staying is a good idea, but when self-respect anf self-love tell us to leave, we should always leave!
@Zulegirl
I made this decision just recently and am in the process of moving out. We were actively "working on it" for over a year, saw many counselors, and even tried living separately (same property) to reduce everyday conflict. I realized that I need more emotional connection in a romantic relationship that he does, and that staying was worse for both of us because he wasn't able to give me what I needed to be happy. I think our needs were more compatible when we got together nine years ago, but we grew in opposite directions with him wanting more independence and me wanting a closer relationship. He's been away for work the past week with minimal contact, and I feel better than I have in years. I'm sad to give up on our future together, but I also know that I wouldn't be happy without some significant changes.
@peacefulforest75
I'm dealing with this sort of thing right now. Not in a romantic relationship but with my mom (I am an adult but it's complicated). It's hard when you know someone is trying to isolate you, being possessive of you, constantly belittling you, damaging your self-esteem, and not supporting you, or holding you back from taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do but not actually abusing you in an obvious way.
And when they have a lot of problems and history of being mistreated by others themselves, it becomes all too easy for manipulation and guilt-trips to happen. You feel so bad about the person's past experiences that you feel like a horrible person for even thinking about "abandoning them" to live your own life. So you end up staying even though you're miserable, resentment builds and the whole situation becomes a pressure cooker.
I'm making an "escape plan" for myself currently, have a few loose ends to tie up and practical things to take care of, but planning to leave in January. It's going to be so very hard to leave, but I know I can do it because I left once before (let myself get guilted into coming back but it's become clear that things won't work out for me here) so I know I can do it again, and I have some supportive friends where I'm going to go too.
@bestCamp2048 I sympathize with you dealing with a parent. Good luck on your breaking free.
@Zulegirl leaving is easy, it is called abandonement, staying will allways be harder and called comitment.. .
@KristaMelena That's not always true -- if someone is being abused, they should leave as soon as possible. Staying with an abuser is extremely dangerous, because the abuse can escalate. My sister was nearly killed by a partner whose abuse up to that point had always been emotional.
@stressBear i did not get killed by my abusers, in fact it is a shamefull permanent remininder that I can never defend myself nor can I ever Revenge myself.
The conclusion is the aggressor allways wins
@KristaMelena, the aggressor only wins if you let them. Who wins is your choice, not theirs.
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
I always let them win for their peace of mind...
I am an insignifiant individual: I have no value for others. No money, no information, no sexy body, nothing...
That is why I am free because noone gives a shard about me and I am useful to none at all...and when someone feels to fucd me in battle maybe they should just talk to a pig instead.
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo wise you are, I hope it elps you...
@KristaMelena, you may not be any of those things to most people, but there are people who love you and look up to you. And add for you agressors, f**k them.
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
Thank You for saying that love! Focus on having positive and uplifting people in your life. I broke things of with my now second ex gf. She was a not a kind person.
@Zulegirl, you welcome, girl😊
@stressBear
I agree with you!!
@stressBear
Sorry wrong one I agree with you..Leaving is most times the safer way
@Zulegirl, I livl you're outfit in your profile pic! Do you mind telling me where you got it?
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
Hello! I do not remember where (however that picture is not me but that girl is actually a very close twin) Same hair, curves, boobs, etc. So anyway I have the same jeans and top! I love that top, but I cant remember where I got it. The jeans are amazing and they show off, hug my curvacious beautiful hips! That girl looks more when I was hourglass vs now I am more pear shaped. So I dont have that curve on my sides as much just alot thicker now!! But same upper body.
@Zulegirl, I literally just realized that it wasn't you after I checked your profile. But thanks.
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
You are welcome! Very similar its kind of crazy!!! I love my body and the curves i have are incredible.
@Zulegirl, I love my natural curves, but I am trying to lose fat do they're more of defined.
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
Oh okay i see what you are doing! I totally did the opposite love! Natural curves are gifts from god and are so amazing!! So glad you like them lol. So are you more pear shaped or hourglass?
@Zulegirl, hourglasses, my boobs are bigger than my mom's, then I get smaller around my stomach and then eiden back out at my hips.
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
Nice!! sounds similar to me when I was hourglass!! love it its an amazing shape love!! I think you made a typo you said eiden out back at my hips. So your hips are really wide?
@Zulegirl, do you know how many times I had to fix that typo? But yeah, my hips are wider.
@1CuteCinnamonBabyXoxo
Hey its all good!! for future you can put (sic) and just leave the typo. But wide hips are amazing
@Zulegirl, yeah. Thanks I will remember that.
@KristaMelena It's not that leaving is easy, it's actually incredibly difficult in some situations, but in the long run it is worth it to no longer be stuck in an unhealthy situation. Yes, staying is hard too, but that doesn't necessarily make it right.
Staying is better than leaving
Check out my profile..I just reposted a good message from another member/listener. It basically sums up this fourm post pretty well.
True depending on the situation