Still hurting months after breakup
I'm 24 male. It's been almost 4 months since I broke up with my first official girlfriend and I am still hurting. We've been broken up for longer than the relationship lasted but I still ruminate about it every day and wish I could be with her again. In the relationship I was experiencing a lot of irrational anxiety which kept building until I panicked and broke up, but I instantly regretted it. I did no contact and made several attempts to reconnect with her and work things out, but I just got ignored and blocked. What sucks is that I've done so much work on myself to overcome my anxiety and avoidant attachment issues, but she refuses to even talk to me and see how I've improved. I've done my absolute best to be respectful to her while also being clear about my feelings, so I feel like I don't deserve to be ignored without even an explanation. I don't want to be angry at her but I feel like that's the only way for me to fully let go. I've tried dating other people since then but I'm not having any luck. Dating apps stress me out a ton and I'm considering just giving up on the whole thing. I feel like I threw away my only chance at finding love and no one will be as good a match for me as my ex was. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, but I almost think I would be better off that way because breakups are devastating and take a huge toll on my mental health. It was only a 3 month relationship, but I'm still depressed and I can only imagine how broken I would be if I was with someone for over a year. I'm so terrified of breakups and divorce that I want to avoid relationships even more now, but the thought of being single for the rest of my life is scary too.
@raspberryLand8003, keep working on yourself! 
Hello there! I understand how you feel. Even though you date for 3 months, you must be love her a lot that’s why you feel hurt until now. I just broke up as well and for a month I live like a loser, doing nothing and just watching Netflix. Well, I realize no one would date “me” with this kind of thinking and I decided to move forward and fix myself to be a better person. Trust me, to attract your ex, you should live good and focus on yourself. My ex came back after I stop thinking about him. So, I hope you could do the same. Believe that you will always meet a better person later. It can be the same person or another, but you have to be kind to yourself first to accept the new relationship ^^ Good luck
I'm sorry to hear your hurting, I'm in the same situation, just going through a break up, being ignored, they do this to try to move on from us but I'm learning give them space and (sometimes) they will miss you and maybe come back in contact. Did you talk to her about your anxiety? I'm thinking she got hurt because of you breaking up and doesn't want it to happen again
The intensity of love does not usually go with the time you spent with the person. Even if it was only a 3 month relationship if that made you genuinely happy, it will really hurt. Breakups are differently difficult among all of us. We cope differently. We act and behave differently. In order to get over it is for you to get through it. Don’t pressure and rush yourself to get over the relationship, it will happen. Feel what you have to feel. Sometimes, we need to be vulnerable first before we can be strong. Time will heal you if you let the time heal you. You have to do ways to help yourself, even the smallest of things like doing something you rarely do because of being heartbroken or listening to good music or reading a good book... whatever it is that will divert your energy from the breakup. The duration is different among everyone. Some people move on quite easily and fast and some move on longer... move forward in your own phase. There will be relapses along the way: you will be lonely, “bitter”, angry, confused or lost but if there’s a change that has been happening with you eg. change of mindset or so, you’re progressing. Just heal accordingly. Your healing may be slow but you will heal... in time. Just keep on moving forward! :)