Stonewalling

I have been stonewalled and I have done some research about it. It is a passive-agressive method to react to a conflict that does play a big role in a couple's likelihood of getting divorced. John Gottman has identified it as one of his four reactions in conflict that leads to divorce with criticism, defensiveness and contempt. People will stonewall you either to hurt you so that you will feel guilty or as a manipulative technique so that you are unable to express your feelings. In my next relationship, I will not tolerate this behavior. Nothing constructive can come out of it. Take care!

Thank you for your response. I appreciate it

How did this go for you? I am in the exact situation now. Is there hope or should I just give up?

I don't feel qualified to answer your question as I am not married, but someone I was seeing has been pulling this on me on and off and I do feel it was a manipulation technique. I didn't appreciate it at all. We are in no way closert because of this, if anything the opposite. Initially I did not want the relationship and I was not really interested so I was not really a willing participant, we were supposed to be friends at my request, but I was too naive to think that he wouldn't be able to "handle" that or that he would require more; any distance I might have had was not intentional but a desire not to engage further; once we are getting closer and I have needs or requests or concerns, or I am angry, then that is when I get stonewalled. It doesn't last long because I badger him with messages anyway until I get him to respond. I realize this isn't ideal, or maybe even healthy, but he initially crossed my boundaries over and over again to get what he wanted from me without any consideration for the way I felt, so in a way, I do feel justified in doing this, actually I do. I know it's not nice, but I am not doing anything wrong. As I said, he disrespected me, and yes, I have trauma in my background also, but this doesn't mean I should put up with emotional or other kinds of abuse. So, yes, in the end, it's in my opinion a manipulation technique or trying to control the situation. Unfortunately this is where we clash because essentially I believe this guy is trying to impose his wants on me, and guess what, it's really not going to work.

Sorry if I have digressed from your original question or comment, but I wish you the best of luck and hope you can one day get the closure and peace you deserve.