Sudden hurtful end

@bubblePal1647

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Theres a few things I would like to point out;

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 5 months now. I know that in comparison to a lot of people on here thats pretty short and almost insignificant but we fell for each other hard and I can truly say I love her. Cut to a week ago were at a hockey game for one of her friends hanging out with her best friend. Theyre talking casually about work stuff and my girlfriend brings up the possibility that she would move away to a different province if she was offered a job. I tell her that I might not be able to come along if that happens. (I could see why you would say this, the distance and perhaps money wise could have been an issue. I can sense you felt worried about this, which is quite normal) She kind of brushes it off That would be a hard choice, but... and then she just continues on. (This tells me she felt this uncomfortable feeling in her chest, which is a trigger (it has nothing to do with you) and was afraid to express herself in an open way so she started to use indirect messages) This hurt me, quite a bit she kind of just glossed over this big thing and Ill admit I acted immaturely I got really quiet and disengaged for the rest of the game. (I can understand why you felt hurt, she sort went into her own thoughts and fears without paying too much attention of how much this meant to you. I do think it wasn't her intention, it seems like she felt anxious and it was tough for her to express herself) We go home and she asks me what that was and I tell her that I was rattled by the thought of her having to go away. (Its completly normal you felt this way, she is the woman you love and it probably was shocking to hear what she said. You did great in expressing yourself here) She says its just a thought and I shouldnt have gotten upset over it and that she needs somebody to support her in building her career. (She is being dismissive of your feelings, not being attuned to how you felt, can't handle emotions well and she made it all about herself) I told her of course I support her and only want her to be happy but it might mean us not being together in the off chance. I apologize and she says its fine, but gets really distant. (This is the kind of behavior that tells me shes is afraid to be vulnerable, to express herself, and then she will play it cool as if nothing happened which then it will trigger your anxiety) I have self esteem issues that stem from other aspects of my life and shes well aware of them I made sure to tell her. So seeing her become distant and upset I made the mistake of asking if we were ok and she still loved me. (I could see why you would tell her this, you were looking to feel connected, safe loved and that everything is okay between the two of you) She said yes of course. (I doubt it) The next morning she is still very distant. I text her asking her how her day is and I get a one word reply good I say Im glad and move on. (She is showing immature behaviors here. You are asking her how she feels, and she replies with a short answer. This is an indication she is passive-agressive, lacks adult communication skills, and probably expects you to read her mind. She also has a hard time letting go, and would punish you if you don't do what she wants) A little bit later I text her Love you we usually do throughout the day whenever we think of each other and want to say it. (I understand this is routine you two have, and you were definetly expressing how you felt. One thing about her is that you don't want to keep rewarding her with texts when she is being passive-agressive and a child because then she will mistreat you. Be mindful when you feel anxiety, it will make you do and say thing to bring her close) I get no reply. Were at her house later that evening and I ask why she didnt reply to my love you text. Oh I didnt get that text. (I can see you felt anxious and worried about her not replying, specially with how she has been towards you. I can tell you are forcing the interaction here...i know you are looking to feel connected with her again, but self respect is important here. She didn't behave like an adult, so rewarding her with affection will make her mistreat you) So this was a lie. iPhones will tell you if a message is delivered successfully, you dont have to have read receipts on to see that. (Its quite scary and causes anxiety knowing she is being this way, and you don't deserve it. I feel like her behavior is triggering your anxiety) So I let it go because I dont want another fight. I try to figure out whats going on and she says that the whole thing of asking if she still loves me is a tactic abusers and manipulators like to use and that I should tone it down. (She has zero clue of what shes talking about. This tells me she has zero empathy, zero attunement, zero adult communication skills and quite selfish. You needed to hear "i love you" to feel safe, it was something you needed to make sure everything is okay. There's nothing wrong in you asking this) This catches me off guard to say the least and makes me feel even more like shit. (I would feel like that as well, specially when shes making you feel bad for asking for what you need) She also says that even if I didnt mean to that when I ask who shes talking to or what shes up to she feels like Im trying to snoop on her or something. Also pretty shook at this. So I tell her Im going to go to my place and not come back until she decides whats going on. (This is coming across as a manipulation, your anxiety lead you to say this. This almost feels like you were expecting some sort of response from her) She says thats a good idea. Cut to two days of complete radio silence. Im losing it, the woman I love has cut me out for something that seems like it should have been a speed bump In the relationship. So I ask her one night if shes ready to talk. (So you told her you wont comeback until she decides whats going on and then you text her, this is contradictory behavior. You should stick to your word if you are going to say things like that) She says sure but cant talk on the phone because shes busy with her mom. (It makes sense what shes saying, its probably true and it should be treated like this unless is proven otherwise) So I basically tell her everything Ive been feeling. (I can understand you felt a lot of things, even more so when she minimized how you felt. In here you tried to force things because you felt rejected that she didn't drop everything to talk to you) Im not going to try and glamorize it or anything I sent her very long texts the gist of which is I dont think I deserve this treatment for what I did and I wish she would talk to me, (It makes sense, you didn't deserve the way she treated you) or if she cant do that at least acknowledge that she still cares. (I can tell you felt very disconnected with her dismissive behavior, and you were looking to feel loved, connected and to know what was going on) Which gets me more replies saying things like this is how I collect my thoughts and I dont know what you want me to say(Excuses...she is being dismissive here. She didn't show empathy or try to soothe you with these two statements. This shows how she does not communicate well and will not put much priority into how you feel. Its so important that both partners have empathy and an understanding of one another. This woman is not good for you, and your mental health will get worst with her) I wrap up my feelings and say I love you and goodnight to no reply. Well she said that was uncalled for, she told me she was busy and should have known she wouldnt be able to respond to all those texts. (I do understand her talking about being busy, but what about how dismissive she behave after that?) Ok sure. So I text her the next day saying I didnt mean to go off on her its just been a really hard couple of days. She tells me shes not impressed. (You are feeling disconnected and trying your best to fix this situation while she is behaving like a child...She is not behaving like an adult here and she is being quite dismissive. I can also tell you have a hard time soothing your anxiety so it makes you say things to pull her closer even when she doesn't want to talk) I say Im sorry I just dont know what to do. She says shes busy at work and cant talk about this right now. (This is awful...she is not treating you like a priority) I say ok have a good day I love you, to you guessed it no reply. (Okay, if someone is feeling this mad and behaving like a child, then its important to not go into telling her "I love you" because she doesn't deserve it. You are trying to pull her close by saying all of these things) So now its yesterday evening from Instagram I see shes been out around town having a good time. Ok some people collect their thoughts on different ways. (Nope she is just using excuses and doesn't behave like an adult) Well she still hasnt talked to me at all so I see shes active on insta and try to call her. Voicemail. (Okay, I can understand you felt anxiety and wondering what was going on, but trying to reach out to a woman like this after she mistreated you will only cause her to mistreat you worst. She ignored your last message, so she doesn't deserve a reach out from you) So I send her my last text basically saying I cant do this anymore and this isnt right, (This is your way to force things and expecting something would happen. When what you expect doesn't happen is where you will begin to try other things to pull her closer) I cant fix it if I dont know what I did. (True, its just with her its impossible to get things fixed) Ill grab my stuff and leave my key after work tomorrow. So I wake up today to a text saying 1. It was uncalled for to text and call her that late at night. 2 she thinks it is best if I collect my stuff but only when shes there because its her room and I guess she just doesnt trust me anymore. And 3 we can talk but not right now because shes busy. I guess part of why Im so heartbroken and distraught is that this isnt the woman I know from even a week ago. She told me shes never felt this way about anyone before a couple months ago and I truly believed it. (This only was true in the moment she told you this) And the other part is that I just dont know what I did to be treated like this. (I feel like you let your anxiety take over, but she didn't do anything to soothe you, to make you feel heard and understood. She minimized how you felt, and then treated you like you are not priority. This is how she treats people when theres adult communication or topics about emotions because of her childhood. You tried to fix things, and all she did was ignore texts, expecting you to mind read and then treated you poorly. She needs to do a lot of work on herself before being with you) Im hoping I get closure, good or bad, when I get my stuff. The insane thing is if she apologized and said she wanted to stay together I wouldnt even hesitate. I love this woman.