Temptation to message my ex
Hello everyone,
I'm not the kind of person who asks for help very often but I feel like crap recently. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me on Christmas eve saying that she doesn't feel the same way about us anymore.
Since the start of September she stopped making any effort to meet up. We talked and she apologised admitting she knew that she had been bad and that it was stress from a new course at university. Things started to seem like they were getting better in the months leading to Christmas but I guess not.
It hurts so much knowing the person you love doesn't love you back and it's been made even more difficult since we were best friends before and during the relationship. Recently all I want to do is message her like we used to. I'm not looking to get back with her. I'd rather have her in my life as a good friend than not at all. How long do you think I should wait before reaching out to her?
Sorry for the long description, I just really needed to get it off my chest even if nobody reads it.
Thanks guys.
@PythonPursuits sometimes we still have that connected feeling with that person. and it's okay to reach out to them as a friend, knowing that you can only be friends but still letting them know you are thinking about them. as long as you aren't demanding them to feel something they don't, I think it's okay to reach out. especially if you can't stop thinking about them
@PythonPursuits Sorry to hear this. I'm sure it must have hurt a lot to lose that connection, and Christmas eve is sort of a crappy day for her to pick.
I don't like to give advice; it's your choice at the end of the day, but here are some thoughts to take or leave. Staying friends could be positive for you to at least keep some connection. However, maybe it would be healthy to take a few weeks to try to focus on some other positive relationships, such as friends/family? I personally find cooking with friends to be very intimate and healing and helps me to focus on the present when I'm not feeling well.
@PythonPursuits
Has she showed any signs of wanting contact again?
You know when we break up with someone we literally feel physical pain and obviously want to releave it as soon as possible. But by experience texting your ex ... not a good idea, SPECIALLY if it's so soon. Even if you would end in good terms you should take at least a couple of weeks to recover.
Was a big emotional impact on you. I understand the feeling of wanting to reach but I promise you it does more bad than good. Feelings will come up even stronger and she'll distance herself even more, since she doesn't feel that way anymore.
You should take a break. Focous on yourself! Spoil yourself and do everything you can to avoid thinking about her.
After a few weeks if you feel ok, not super damaged and you want to have a friendship with her, then very slowly try to talk to her and see how she responds.
No bro. Please don't do it please.
@PythonPursuits
Wait until you feel at one with yourself and have fully moved on before you try talking to her again. It'll be awkward at first, and try to rebuild it from there.
Thanks for the posts guys. After reading through them and thinking about the situation, I'm going to try and put it off as long as I can so I can try to get through this s***.
Her birthdays at the end of next month so I'll see how things are by then. Maybe things are too raw for me atm and I'll just end up hurting myself more.
