The pain of not moving while they move on
Me and my ex fiance broke up almost 3 weeks ago. In that time we got back together for a little and tried again. This recently ended again with her saying she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't think she is in love with me or if she was ever in love with me but she says she still loves me as a friend. She wants us to be friends. Now honestly I've started to realize that she wasn't the woman I thought she was and I've seen an ugly side of her during this whole break up but I still want to be with her. The hardest part of everything is that I have not been able to stop crying or get anything done because I am so depressed but she is out having fun with her friends and moving on already even though our break up is still so fresh. It hurts to realize that this is truly making her happier. When we first broke up she did the same thing but then she told me that at night she cried and drank herself to sleep because she too was hurting but I think after our second attempt now she is over me. It hurts to think that she has moved past when I am stuck in such a dark place. She is coming over today to pick up the rest of her things and talk so that we can try to become friends but I am unsure of what to say. I've writen 3 letters to her, one trying to get her back, one when I was angry and sad, and another when I had accepted the fact that I do not belong in her life but I want to be. I don't think i'll be reading any of them but hopefully we can talk and the words can truly come from my heart.
Tonights new quote... Obviously about how she could never let me in:
So this part of my house, no ones been in it for years
I built the safe room and I dont let no one in there
Cause if I do, theres a chance
That they might disappear and not come back
And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside
So I just leave my doors locked
You might get other doors to open up but this doors not
Cause I dont want you to have the opportunity to hurt me
And Ill be the only person that I can blame when you desert me
Im barricaded inside
So stop watching
Im not coming to the door
So stop knocking, stop knocking
Im trapped here
God keep saying Im not locked in
I chose this
I am lost in my own conscious
I know that shutting the wall down aint solving the problem
But I didnt build this house because I thought it would solve ‘em
I built it because I thought that it would be safer in there
But its not, Im not the only thing thats living in here
Fear came to my house years ago I let ‘em in
Maybe thats the problem
Cause Ive been dealing with this ever since
I thought that he would leave, but its obvious he never did
He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in
Now Im in the position its either sit here and let him win
Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can
Cause in order to do that Id have to open the doors
Is that me or the fear talking?
I dont know anymore
and another one:
You will try to hide it, make it seem like nothing. But really you're feeling like everything is crashing around you
Progress is only having 10 shots of booze tonight instead of the usual 12
@SirPounceALot
Please be care full alright don't drink to much your still young a relationship is about two people working together to make it work communication is the key trust you need loads of that no lies or secrets between each other cause that can destroy one another if you lie or keep a secret always be honest and worthy and always have trust cause they all go a very long way communication helps a lot talking to one another is the best thing ever my fiancée and I were both up front with each other there is no lies no secrets in our house and not in our relationship we are both honest trustworthy and we respect and communication with one another your ex she didn't want any of those things from a relationship she just wanted to keep secrets and lies from you those hurt people even more truth hurts but lies and keeping secrets kills that person she didn't want to let you in she didn't want you to help her she didn't want anything but just to be noticed and get attention from guys and be spoiled like a princess it was all about her her her and never you you you IF SHE REALLY REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU OR STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU SHE WOULDN'T BE DOING THIS TO YOU SHE WOULD ALREADY KNOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT YOU ITS CLEARLY OBVIOUS THE ONLY REAL REASON WHY SHE HASN'T BLOCKED YOUR NUMBER AND BLOCKED YOU FROM FB ITS BECAUSE IF HER SEX LIFE WITH HER EX FALLS THROUGH SHE'LL BE RUNNING BACK TO YOU CRYING AND YOU'LL BE BLIND BY HER BS AND TAKE HER BACK CAUSE YOU WANT HER BACK WHY TAKE A CHEATER BACK ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT SHE IS REALLY DOING SHE DIDNT BLOCK YOU CAUSE SHE KNOWS LATER ON IN TJE FUTURE YOU'LL TAKE HER BACK WHEN SHE IS DONE WITH OTHER GUYS AND THEY BORE HER AND SHE WANTS TO PLAY GAMES WITH YOU AGAIN CAUSE THE OTHER GUYS ARE BORING HER SHE WANTS TO TRY AND DO MORE DAMAGE FOR YOU PLEASE BE VERY VERY CARE FULL ALRIGHT JUST WATCH OUT FOR HER AND HER BS AND LOOK AFTER YOURSELF OKAY
@BrightRedFlower2322 I know that's what she is doing.... I keep telling myself that I won't fall for it but if she came back over and looked at me with her eyes, I would fall head over heels in love all over again. I know she is just keeping me as a back up. The worst part of everything is that I have realized that she is a huge hypocrit and an awful person yet I still can't stop fucking loving her
@SirPounceALot
You keep telling your self that but the heart and mind know what's going on your mind knows she's not the right person. Your mind knows she's awful mean and disgusting your mind knows all of this about her but your mind and heart can also play tricks on her your use to her BS your use to her USING YOU your use to her always RUNNING BACK TO YOU BEGGING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE and your use to her SAYING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER CAUSE SHE KNOWS YOU'LL ALWAYS BE THERE TO TAKE HER BACK what if she comes back married begging you to take her in and be together cause she screwed up what of she comes back full of STDS cause of all the men she slept with and passing it onto you what if she comes back pregnant on your door step its not your baby its the guys baby that she pissed off and shouldn't have messed with then you'll get involved with the police cause you took her in you have to really really take up a hobby go for walks go for runs leave your apartment for a few hours SOBER and do something you love visit family go to places that you want to go to do WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT SHE STOPPED YOU FROM DOING IT
@BrightRedFlower2322 I'm trying. Tonight I hung out with some friends and had a great time sober. It is Friday night so I think I'm going to have a few drinks and go to the bar to meet up with some more friends. I'm doing the things I want to do. I'm starting to not care about her as much. I've decided to really force myself to stop checking her social media because I know it's a trigger for me. I'm making steps forward. I think if I can truly stop checking her social media then I will be over her alot sooner. It's her tumblr posts that make me relapse. I'm not going to take her back. I promised I would be there for her as a friend and I keep my promises but that's it. I will be her friend if she needs it but otherwise I'm gone
@SirPounceALot I know how you feel. This guy and I got in a huge fight. I told him what I knew about his new girlfriend because he begged me. He told her something bad about me and things got really awkward at work. Yet, after my anger subsided, i still want to see him again. But thank goodness he blocked me because we shouldn't talk at all right now. It's best to find other people or things to do and hang out with. I know these people don't really care or know me, but I use it as a distraction so I'm in the moment and not over thinking.
already back from the bars. I can't even go for like more than 1 hour. i hate it there. I talked to one girl tonight for like 2 secs, danced with her for literally 3 secs and moved on. I can't even begin to try. Like i don't want any of them, there's no connection. I feel like shit because I just checked her social media, there wasn't even anything new I just feel like shit that I couldn't even go 24 hours without checking.... I'm not over her and i'm not even close to being over her. That's the worst part. I want to be over her, I realized how awful she is yet I still can't move on. I'm still stuck. I keep thinking that i'll go to the bar and hook up with a random chick and then i'll be over her magically.... i know that's not how this works. I just wish I could stop thinkign about her all the time. I hate that she still has this much of an effect on me. I want to be done wtih her and i'm still barely making progress. I thought tonight was going to be a great night. I just don't want to come home to an empty apartment anymore. I am so lonely it kills me inside
I'm still here m***********!!!! I'm still alive!!! I WON'T GO DOWN THAT EASILY!!!! Is that all you got!?!?!?! HUH!!!!! That's it!!!??!!! Hahaha 22 years of s*** and I'm still here!!! JUST ADD THIS TO THE M*********ING LIST OF S*** IN MY LIFE!!!!!!! Congrats to her, she gets her own line in the list but that's it. There's plenty more on that list and there will be plenty more added in the future. I'm not backing down! Keep throwing this shit at me and watch me get back up over and f***ing over again! God damn if there is a God I will punch him in the face once I die!!! Seems fair. I will surpass all this bullshit!!! I will win!!! I will survive!!! I WILL DO MORE THAN SURVIVE, I WILL THRIVE!!!! I will get back up every single f***ing time you knock me down. hahahah if like wants to punch me in the face then I will just have to punch back. F*** off and watch as I win!
Edited by SilentSerenityy
@SirPounceALot
Just so you know 7 cups has rules to follow alright you have to stop saying the full F work okay just put F*** never say M F**k okay always BEEP out your words or put it like this F that's it okay cause if you keep doing it like you are 7 cups community will report you if you don't know half the rules I suggest you read them please be careful okay
@BrightRedFlower2322 thanks. I didn't know that wasn't allowed... I'll be better from now on
Officially 24 hours since I last checked her social media. This is the longest i've gone without out checking it since we broke up the first time. I'm trying to keep this streak going but right now is the hardest time to not check because this is the time I know she posts the most. SO instead I am going to crawl into bed and watch netflix until I pass out
@SirPounceALot
Your very welcome :) I don't want you to get reported or blocked alright
Wow you went that long without checking it and you stopped yourself from doing it that deserves a huge pat on the back and a HUGE WELL DONE THATS GREAT GLAD YOU ARE GETTING THERE EVERY TINY STEP COUNTS GOOD ON YOU 
Hope your going well
@BrightRedFlower2322 thank you. I'm actually doing pretty great. Had a nice lunch with my mom today and finally told her the truth about alot of things. Now I'm at work and I'm ready to get through my shift. I still haven't checked and I don't plan on checking. Actually I just asked a girl I've been talking to out on a date... waiting on a response right now
@SirPounceALot
Wooow that's fantastic that's very good see that's a huge step right there I'm glad you don't check and I'm glad you had an amazing lunch with your mum you should more time with your mum and family and talking about the things your going through I'm glad you told your mum I bet that felt good opening up to her and felt good getting it off your chest the more times you talk about it with family the more it will help you alright wow I'm impressed you found a friend and you want to take them out good luck and all the best fingers crossed hope she replies with the answer you want :) proud of you
@BrightRedFlower2322 got rejected... well she never answered so who knows. Whatever. I still had the courage to ask so I'm proud of myself
@SirPounceALot
How long have you been talking to her for and how much do you know about her she's probably shy don't know how to reply to it freaking out or maybe she didn't hare her phone and is busy it could be a number or reasons just wait till she replies to you she might talk to you later or who knows but its always a shot its that chance you take and you were brave and you did it you asked a girl out well done to you doesn't matter if they say yes or no you still moved that step forward and asked someone out
@BrightRedFlower2322 I've been talking to her for almost 2 weeks now. I asked her out last week but she said she was too busy but she'd love to go out with me when she wasn't busy. I asked again tonight and no response. But you're right, this girl usually sucks at responding anyway s she might not answer me until tomorrow. Either way I'm happy with myself
2 days of not checking her social media
@SirPounceALot
Oh right well lease she told you when she is free yeah that's true :)
My stomach has been in knots since last night and I don't know why. I feel like something is the matter with her, like she is in trouble or something. I want to check her social media to see if she is alright but I know that's just my minds way of justifying it. My gut is killing me. It's screaming at me that something is wrong
@SirPounceALot I MUST NOT CHECK
I checked.... she is drowning in an ocean of sadness
@SirPounceALot I can't feel any guilt for this though, she is the one who jumped into that ocean. That doesn't mean that I don't feel bad that someone I cared about is suffering though.
@SirPounceALot Hey bro, you got to keep your head up alright :) Move on and stop looking back I know it's hard.. I'm going thru the same thing as you right now.. I still check her social media and such.. But I know I shouldn't but, I think back of what she said to me, I couldn't and know that she isn't the one for me. How can you tell someone this " Did I put a gun at his head or a knife at his throat threatening him to fall in love with me? " How can someone say this kind of harsh words.. We love each other but I love her more than I love myself in a way.. But you can't just put across those words right. Whatever is it, chill man. I feel you :) Move on keep your head up. Meet someone new like the girl you're texting. Don't give up a forest for a TREE. It's not worth it, one day you will find someone who love you as much as you love her. Instead of you loving her more than she love you. The constant pain of her not loving you as much.. Hurts. But be strong. I'm here with you :)
She trapped me in such a way that I felt like I wanted to be trapped. Now I'm free but her poison is still inside of me, I still feel like I want to be trapped. I want to embrace this freedom.
