The story of me and my ex - Still having fresh emotions

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up back in May of this year. We were going out for a couple of months, ever since February. We decided that the best thing for us was a breakup and at the time, I was cool with it.

We really connected with each other. We have so much in common.

When we were dating, our hang out schedule was a bit complicated due to work and school. We could usually only hang out on Saturdays because we could spend the most time together. So, every Saturday we were hanging out. After awhile, I wanted to spend some time alone since we were hanging out so much, and I figured it's a good idea to spend time with myself once in a while, so we don't always have to hang out.

When we first started talking, it went really smooth. When we first kissed, it felt natural. We started getting into the usual make out sessions and eventually led up to sex after awhile. We were both comfortable with our relationship.

Here's the thing with me. I don't like texting. I don't mind it, but if I could choose, I would rather talk in person. So I didn't text her a lot. At least more than I should have because she started getting mixed feeling about me and she was going back and forth between "Does he like me or not". I could understand where she was coming from.

The other thing that was bugging her was her ex-boyfriend. At the time that I met her, she was working in a bakery at Strack & Van Til. I went up and talked to her, as a stranger, and told her she was cute and asked for her number, but she told me she had a boyfriend.

She found me on Facebook a couple days later and told me about her situation with her boyfriend and I didn't want to get into it that much, so I just gave her a bit of friendly advice and ended it there. Another couple of days later, I assumed she broke up with her boyfriend and I decided to go and talk to her again. I asked if I could message her over the weekend and we started hanging out.

She's been in a relationship with her ex for 4 years prior and as we were dating, he was texting her. I had gotten into a relationship with her a week after she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years, so I could understand her emotions as I had an ex-girlfriend for around 6 months and we practically hung out everyday, so it felt like a year.

But my current ex was faithful and so was I. She once called off a roadtrip with her friends to go down to her previous college to hang out with old friends but realized her ex was going to be down there. She had planned for the trip and everything but cancelled it because of that, but I could just tell she was faithful cause I'm not stupid.

Anyways, we had really good feelings about each other and we have sooo much in common, but I figured our schedules would be getting in the way of our relationship. She texted one day in May saying "I don't think this is going to work out" I texted back asking to meet in person and we met that day. She told me about her mixed feelings and I told her how it might be easier if we didn't have a relationship because of such and such like one of us might move away, were 20 years old, we should be more concerned about bigger things, etc.

This made her feel a lot better and we broke up on mature terms. We both left happy. A month has gone by and I have started to feel lonely, so I texted her again and we went out for lunch. After lunch, I talked to her about getting back into a relationship again.

I caught her at a bad time because her ex-boyfriend was texting her again and I was texting her, so it's not fair to either one of us that we both want to be in a relationship with her. I told her that I was fine with either a yes or no. If she wanted to go with her ex, I would be cool with it, and that's would she decided to do.

She didn't want to lose me as a friend and I understood that because we don't hate each other and we have so much in common. But this is like one of the hardest things to deal with right now.

The worst thing I'm dealing with right now is the fact that she told me she never wanted to break up with me in the first place, but I told her I didn't want a relationship, so she was so surprised that I came back and asked to be with her again. I have all of these regrets like "I should have asked her earlier".

I've been Meditating a lot to cope with the stress, but this is very hard at this time in my life because this just happened to me, so I need some time to get over it, but it's sooo stressful and I need some advice.

It feels so easy to get back together with her, but I can't. And I feel like I won't be able to find somebody else like her anywhere, but I know that's silly because she lives really close to me and if I can find a girl with that I can connect to within a 10 mile radius, I can find another girl like her elsewhere. But it's just the fact that I want to be with her.

I said it's okay if she wants to go with him, but I really wasn't. I started to feel upset, sad, confused, and didn't know what to do. I asked for some advice on Reddit, and it led me to asking her a couple of questions that I wanted to know and just telling her exactly how I felt about her.

I realized that I had never told her how I truly felt about her when we were dating and that's why she wanted to break up in the first place. So now were on good terms, but I can't help but feel like I should be waiting for them to split up. It's difficult. It's none of my business and I know the best thing to do is to move on, but I don't want to.