Thinking about breaking up
I love my boyfriend so much. He’s been my best friend for 4 years. I’m starting to get really drained of our arguments. He’s the sweetest thoughtful person to me, until I tell him he did something that upset me. Then he becomes mean, passive aggressive and feels like he hates me. He also tells me I’m untrustworthy and wishy washy. I can’t understand this. No one else in my life has ever said that to me. I don’t know if I’ve been lying to myself about our relationship? He has made me so happy. But so sad when it’s bad. I just can’t process the idea of breaking up, but I’ve been feeling like it might be beneficial to me. I know he will be a disaster if we break up. I have no idea what to do. I’ve never been so sad
@idkineedtotalk
so as long as no one calls him out on anything he is great ...... but then when even told something he did upset you he calls you names and tries to blame you ......... no even constructive criticism......
now think longer term when things really matter no longer dating but perhaps married ..... how many times do you want to go through that........ sounded like my spouse and frankly if i knew he would be this way i would not have stayed with him ..... the moments of GREAT will get smaller and smaller and you might question how much do you tolerate to avoid his outbursts if called out
Thanks for responding. Yes I think about long term and it scares me a lot. Reminds me of my parents and I do not want to be like them. It makes me so sad, all the good memories just becoming sad if we break up. I just can’t even think about it without feeling horrible pain
@idkineedtotalk
the pain of breakup will always be there but the longer you wait the harder IMO to follow thru and make a break ........... if you see it in your parents you know people like that do not grow out of it etc ....
I’ve never had to go through a break up. We live with each other so it’s going to be so incredibly hard if it happens. He’s such a huge part of my life and my happiness. I just don’t know how people do this I don’t want to do it
@idkineedtotalk
it is incredibly hard when living together you or he would need to move ..... splitting up of shared items and bills maybe you both would need to relocate......
you Never have to breakup but if things get worse you might regret it down the road .......... of course your happy moments override the bad you are just beginning to see ....
He says things like “this is me if you can’t accept it then I don’t know”. He doesn’t even want to try to change to make me feel better.
yes i know have heard that line so many times
if i have a dollar for each time i would be a millionaire......... it is a defense mechanism to try to put you on the spot .......it is sad they know what they are doing ..... i learned to call him out on BS but in the end it is like i cannot trust anything he says.....
mine even tried to tell me it was a thing from years ago and i asked when cause we have known each other for decades so if he has some story he should remember his audience ...... seriously decades and if i could trade places with you i would be gone so fast .......
So sorry you had to go through that. It’s really really hard. I’ve never felt this pain from someone before and it’s really hard to process