This breakup has destroyed me
Before I found my ex I was suffering from very bad depression because of extreme loneliness. I am very isolated so I do not meet people, but I needed a romantic, loving, and honest relationship and I was very lucky to find my ex. I relied on her for all of my support. She was the only real friend I had, and even though it was a long distance relationship (because I met her online) she made my life worth living. She was very patient even though I was very needy of her and draining of her and she loved me to death even though I was.
Unfortunately as the relationship progressed she changed. She lost interest in me and cheated on me, but because she was all I had I forgave her when she decided she missed me and wanted to come back. Many months later, on my birthday, she broke up with me because she was bored with me romantically. This completely destroyed me. The only other people I could go to were friends of hers I had met through her, but she started to lie about me to her friends so that they would not talk to me so she could sever all ties with me. She blocked me on all of her accounts. It has been a few weeks and I have had a little time to heal, but I am back to the way I was before I had her except much much worse. I cannot enjoy any aspect of life, it seems, without knowing that I have the security of a relationship, and knowing I have someone. I have no chance at all of meeting someone new. I was incredibly lucky to find her, and I won't have that same luck again. Besides, I don't think I could love the same way or trust the same way I trusted her ever again. I feel so broken. Everything seems meaningless now and nothing makes me happy. I don't really think there is anything I can do about it. There is no escape.
What makes you think you can't find somebody else? Maybe she was in your life to teach you a lesson .. Something you need to learn. I deal with depression too and I valued my relationships so much because I felt lonely. I always felt like I needed somebody when in reality all I need f was to learn how to love myself. It ain't easy. But it's so worth it. Because when everybody lets me down, I still have myself .. doesn't seem like much sometimes .. But I'm still here!
I live out in the middle of nowhere and have no reason to get out and talk to people. I have nowhere to go to talk to people and meet people either. I also have tried to find some kind of self love but I can't. I have been trying to find that for years and I just hate myself. In fact the concept of self love disgusts me. It feels so narcesistic, and like I'm lying to myself. It doesn't add any meaning to my life and it feels hollow and fake. I've only ever been able to gain confidence in myself through others and what they think of me, which is why its so important that I have a relationship.
I understand how you feel 100%. It feels as if there is no reason to live, that you have been left to float to the surface of the water with a broken leg, that you will never find love again. But I promise, and I never break those, that if you search...you find. You deserve someone better, someone who wont cheat on you, someone who will cling to you and want your love for the rest of eternity... someone who is just as sweet and caring as you seem to be. And I know one thing for sure, that everything happens for a reason. Because look at it deeply, if you were to marry this girl (or even become more serious with her) she could cheat on you with more guys and you wouldn't even know! Nor do you deserve that! That is why everything happens for a reason, the universe is here to help you, not to hurt you. It wants the best for you, which sadly consists ofheartbreak for awhile. But it will get better! I know it will! And once it gets better, you will thank the universe for everything it did to lead you to your perfect girl: someone sweet and caring, someone who wouldn't hurt you or cheat on you and someone who is just as wonderful as you are! (:
Hope that helped somewhat, if you ever need someone to chat with, I'm always here!
It would have helped if it wasn't for more recent events that made things worse. I think it would help to chat about it but I kinda messed up and put in a fake age and I can't figure out how to change it. I should not have done that but I just always use a fake age. I'm also afraid of chatting because no where on the website does it say whether its actual talking like in a skype call type thing or like messaging through texts. I feel like this is obvious but I've heard the word "chat" used for both. I even tried researching and found nothing that gave me that detail. I know I'm being kind of stupid, and off topic of the post... but yes I messed up badly heh... sorry ._.
What recent events made things worse?
And no, the chats are not Skype calls. They are just like emails practically, but faster.
And I know what you are talking about with the age screw up, because on my member account it says I cant talk with teens... when I am one. In the end, I would recommend becoming a listener and then browsing through other listeners and clicking on the ones which you can instantly chat with if the age problem still isnt fixed. There is never anything wrong with chatting with someone. It's healthy actually to vent things to another.
Well I used to rely on my (very small amount of) friends to talk to and give me support. But recently I found out that they actually did not like me at all or even told me the truth on many things. When I confronted them about it I lost them as friends. They told me I was just a ball of negativity and that they did not want that in their life. I'm left with only one friend now. I was not a ball of negativity when I had my ex. But I was before and afterwards, I will admit. I don't see how I can find someone who loves me when I cannot even keep friends. I don't see how I could ever trust anyone again when litterally every single person besides one in my life has been a complete lie. No one has ever truely loved me or even really liked me as a friend when I open up to them. I've never been someones best friend and I've never had a real friend at all that was not an internet friend. It feels really hopeless.
(also, that is a relief I'd be afraid to talk to people in a call setting that I did not know)
I understand how hard that can be. But, in order for things to get better you have togo through the hard times. And that's never fun. It may seem like no one else will love you or be-friend you, but there are wonderful people out there who would love to talk to you, it's just sometimes harder to search for them than thought out to be. Everything will get better though, I know that for sure. It's just really hard now and I get that completely.
I'm starting to see this, but it's hard. Sometimes it doesn't seem worth it because anyone could be a fake or a liar and anything thing could be a lie and everything could be meaningless. But at the same time I know that there are good people. I should not give up before I find out who is and isn't. I just have to keep thinking that. No matter how hopeless it feels. (rn I'm feeling ok-ish so I'm positive)
I'm super glad!
pretty much going through the same situation and exact same circumstances. Hope you're feeling better Squid. praying for you. Be strong bro.