Thought he was the one, found out I wasn't his only one.

I have been on again off again with a guy 3 years my senior. It's been about 5 years now. I thought he was the one. He kept telling me how he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me, how he wanted to start a family with me. He even said he was sick of waiting to get married and we should just hop on a plane to Vegas. I'm glad I didn't.

I have a lot of issues of my own that I'm trying unsuccessfully to deal with. I have BPD, and Bipolar 2, although my bipolarness is usually depression central. So it made it hard for our relationship to prosper anyways. Lots of stupid fights about nothing and lots of mean words said that were later apologized for. We've been apart for over a year and suddenly found our way back to each other. I thought it was destiny.

But two nights ago I got into a huge fight with him over our relationship. I put so much love and effort to be with him. I was every guys dream girlfriend I thought. Little presents for no reason, I love you messages even though I knew he was working a graveyard shift, making time in my busy schedule to just see him for even a couple hours, etc. I guess that wasn't good enough. We broke up. He said some really hurtful things and sent a few evil videos of him rocking out to songs about how we'll never work.

So I sent him a suicide note. I meant it at the time, but luckily my best friend talked me out of it. That suicidal feeling has passed. Now all I can feel is anger and revenge. He still hasn't replied...it's been over 24 hours. So I did what any crazy pissed of (ex)gf would do. I got into his email and Facebook.

Turns out he's been in a serious relationship with at least two other women for years now, and screwing countless others. I couldn't believe it, but I wasn't surprised. I always had a feeling. This just sent me into a rage/depression intuced spiral. I need to make him suffer like he's made me suffer.

I messaged them ALL, posing as my ex thru his account. "Hi I just wanted to let you know that I'm dating other women. I've been lying to you since the second I met you. You mean less to me than a fly on a horse's ass. Actually I don't love any of the women I'm dating. I'm just a man whore. I call them all lady and sweets. So don't think you're any more special than the rest of them. You're better off never talking to me again. Tootles!"

There was a lot of confusion from them and a hell of a lot of anger. Needless to say the ones who invested their hearts and lives into a relationship with him were the most pissed off. They all broke up with him and blocked him on Facebook. Good. It was a cruel thing to do, but they needed to know. I didn't want these poor women wasting more of their precious lives on a liar and a cheater. I thought about messaging them as myself and letting them know what's been going on behind their backs. But would you really believe it if you heard a message like that from another chick? If it were me I would think it's some pissed off ex spinning lies. Only I was telling the truth. I figured they'd believe me if it came from the (w)horse's mouth.

Now that they all know and have all blocked him or ignored him, I'm left with anger and depression still. I'm at a loss as to what I should do. Neither of my best friends are talking to me right now, I feel like they're sick of my misery. They keep telling me that time will heal all wounds. I've spent the last 5 years of my life trying to heal from my last rock bottom and my life is no better than before. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm in therapy but not enough and my next session isn't until next week. I'm at a loss. I feel lost, and hopeless, and angry, and depressed, and hurt. I feel so hurt.

How could anyone put someone through that? How can anyone get kicks out of treating women like this? You make them fall in love with you but all you want is to screw them, and screw with them.

I just can't take all this pain anymore. All I want to do is crawl in a whole and give up. Just lay there for the rest of my life waiting for the end to come. At least part of me does. The other part still wants revenge. Sure I saved these women from him and destroyed his relationships in the process. But that's not enough. He needs to feel the pain I've been feeling all these years. The pain he caused. Karma will catchup to him I'm sure, but I can't wait that long. The only thing stopping me from just beating the ever loving shit out of him is my fear of jail. I know I will end up in prison if I do anything like that, and let's face it, I can't pee in front of other people.

I don't know what to do to cope. Please help?