Trouble moving on
Long story short, my ex gf cheated on me and she broke up with me saying i was too controlling, manipulative and pocessive. That happened 2 months ago, and she just said she needed time to think about what she has done but she would definitely come back with me. During these 2 months, we would meet every so often and have sex and sleep together..i i was too weak to say no and i wanted to do these stuff too. However i know this is a toxic relationship, and that i i wont be able to work out between us. She keeps messaging the guy she cheated me on with and meeting him (and probably having sex with him too). Its just that i always tell her that im moving on and don't want to see her or talk to her again but she keeps talking me into it. She doesn't get much from me, i am broke, have no house and no job but she says she can't let go of me. That she loves me and is not using me? But still seeing that other guy? Im so confused. I want to move on and continue with my life, which i put on halt for her..but i just can't seem to be able to move on. Help? She's always on my mind and all the memories of our 5years relationship just keeps flooding in my mind.
I was with a guy 2 years. Everything seemed perfect to start out, he called, messaged, we met up several times a week and spent an hour or two together before he had somewhere to be. Hed cheat, but he rekindled a previous friendship with a girl he only admitted to having feelings for and who was an "ex" of his... Some time before he and I were together. I didn't think anything of it, until he proclaimed they were best mates before I was in the picture. He told me I was 'sweet' 'kind' and 'perfect' (told me what he thought I wanted to hear basically to keep me hanging onto this relationship) Eventually things went down hill, he didn't come see me, he didn't spend time with me, we argued. Although I thought it was something to do with him not being able to afford or not being bothered to come see me, I still went to see him. Not long after we argued about the unbalance between me going to see him and him visiting me in my home. Then I find out he's getting buses to my town to see the "bestie ex", though they were both in relationships, this shattered me. I put everything into this, gave it my ALL, to be shouted at. I confronted him one day after the bus, we spent the week arguing non-stop, he turned to me in a spout of anger and almost hit me, I turned and ran the other way. I was frightened for my life. From that point on things were extremely Rocky. I got angry, threw in the towel and he has been trying to message, contact and see me ever since. Its been a year...
@kindSoul56
Loving someone or missing them is not enough reason to stay with them. Love is not enough for a relationship. There's so much more needed for a relationship to work, the most important of which are: respect, trust, and stability /security. These are all elements that are lacking.
If someone is toxic to you, you keep them out of your life. You owe that to yourself. Let alone them being cheaters and even abusive! That's a definite no-go. You can block his number. You can stop him from reaching out. Ask him to stop reaching out. If he doesn't, change your number or file something against him if that's possible.
No one has the time or energy wasting their heart on someone who doesn't see their worth. And remember to always put in as much effort as you receive. It'll guard your heart.
Stay strong and cut him off comoletely.
@intuitiveWriter1887 thank you, I know there's much more to a relationship, and I was stupid but it was the first 'proper' thing I'd had with a guy so I niavly thought it'd last and things could get better.
I had him blocked and gone in my life so ce we called it off for good.
He, however will still try to find me at work or wait for me when he should have left me alone. He knows I'm in a different relationship, one with each and every element mentioned.
Looking back though, I don't know what kept me there.
@kindSoul56
Hi. I'm happy for you.
Mmm I don't agree with you on being stupid/naive. We all live and learn. We're not born all-understanding. Unfortunately, it sometimes costs a broken heart to learn but that's just a way of life.
What he's doing is bordering stalkerish, no? Does it worry you? I think you can ask for a restraint order or something depending on where you live and what the laws are. He's got some nerve showing up at your work after all he's done!
@intuitiveWriter1887 he still pestered me on social media after he knowingly met me out in town with my new partner. He then proceeded to (before I blocked and deleted) write a 4 page essay to me, and send it to me about how I'm still the one.
Only thing I could think was, if I was the one he can't live without he would've out in effort and cared, he wouldn't have gotten angry, aggressive or frightening. To the point of assault almost.
I put in too much effort and jnly realised when it was too late. I'm fine without him. I'm happier now