Unsure what to do….
I have been with my husband for 12 years (married for 5). We began dating in school, I was only 15 and he was 16- so very young, which in hindsight, meant that we didn’t get to experience many things that other people do. We were very much in love at one point and have 2 beautiful children together who are our entire world. For a few months now I have really struggled with my feelings for him and I know that I no longer love him. He is an amazing father and husband but I cannot make these feelings of love return no matter how much I try. I am an Empath, and so struggle greatly with feelings of guilt, conflict and the thought of hurting someone..which is why I am struggling so very much to have the conversation with my husband, or anyone at all, about what is going on inside.
I don’t know what path to take. Do I continue on even and hope these feelings return or do I pluck up the courage to talk about this with him? The answer is obvious isn’t it, however he is not an easy man to talk to and we hardly have any conversation between us at all even on the best of days. No sex life. No affection. No fun. Unfair sharing of chores. Unfair parenting. We simply live together and go through the usual everyday things that parents do, focusing entirely on our children and without much thought for each other. My husband doesn’t show emotion whereas I am a very emotional
and passionate person.
I can’t bare the thought of being this stuck forever. I would do it for my children of course. But is this normal? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to feel love again.
@ clementinelover14
I feel you. Might be too late, as most people act when the damage done is beyond repair, but how about marriage counseling? I would suggest that anyway, whatever you guys decide upon. Meaning, if you decide to divorce, you want to do so in a kind and gentle manner. A marriage counselor can help you on that too, it is not so that such a counselor focuses on repairing the relationship. They focus on the two of you being able to communicate with each other, express your feelings without judging/labeling. Listening with your heart.
Be aware if you decide on counseling, that it might happen that other issues occur. Like in my case, something happened that awoke old childhood wounds that you protected using triggers. Now, like in my case, those triggers were triggers. Result; we were first making slow progress (and our situation was difficult and required hard work, persistence and lots of patience). I got triggered, and my wife wants to divorce. So be very very aware of both your thoughts and actions towards each other. That is also where a councelor might be able to help, by looking at the dynamics between the two of you. Peronal issues, like triggers, would have to be dealt with however with an independent, other, therapists.
Take care, don't give up too soon. Be aware of your current situation, step out of it, opt for counseling (take your time to find a good one, those are scarse, I was so lucky to find a great counselor, we are still doing counseling and if there is someone who can reconcile me and my wife, whether we will get divorced or not, it is her).
Take care, and sending you and your beautiful husband and kids warmth and healing.
I agree with the above poster and would also suggest counseling to see if your marriage can be improved. Is there something that happened that made you lose feelings for him or is it something that happened over time? Perhaps the therapist can help figure out the root issue since it doesn’t sound like anything scandalous has happened. I hope you are able to make progress with your marriage but if not, that’s ok too. You have to be honest with yourself and your husband about what you’d like to get out of life.