Want to contact ex; stop me
I spent most of the past 9-10 years with one person. There were a couple others and we broke up for almost 2 years at one point, but basically he was my lover for most of my adult life. Our relationship was decidedly not healthy, due to both of us having issues with low self-esteem, problems communicating, and more. He kept insisting that I was the mature one, but in hindsight it was obviously not true.
This time we broke up because I thought I was falling in love with someone else, and his response was to become violent (not directly to me). I don't want to see him in person, especially since he didn't seem to grasp how disturbing his behavior was. Even though I'm afraid of him and feel like he didn't really respect me, I still have an urge to contact him to make sure he isn't harming himself. I don't have contact info for any of his friends that would tell me how he is.
How can I resist the urge to contact him?
What do you think is the right decision to do? Make a list of pros and cons. Then wait a week. If you think it
@braveMap2650 super tough conundrum... change is scary, but it's inevitable. imagine how toxic to your recovery it would be to go backwards... good hearts care too much and forgive without a deserving merit, but try to be strong and healthy. take care of yourself ❤️
Thanks for the support and the advice. I could wait another week and see how I feel, but it's been months and I just get increasingly worried. I'll still hold off on contacting him for now while I think about the consequences.
@braveMap2650
hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
This time we broke up because I thought I was falling in love with someone else, and his response was to become violent (not directly to me). (I could understand if he felt sad, hurt or disappointed about the situation, but becoming violent in the way you are describing is something thats a red flag and its not going to make you feel safe around him.) I don't want to see him in person, especially since he didn't seem to grasp how disturbing his behavior was. (This is the main reason i feel you shouldn't contact him in any way possible. Im starting to think he doesn't have the empathy, understanding or maturity to accept his own mistakes, so he will often minimize the situation on an effort to deflect the situation.) Even though I'm afraid of him and feel like he didn't really respect me, (This is another reason i feel you shouldn't contact him because you don't feel comfortable and safe around him, and he seems to have mistreated you) I still have an urge to contact him to make sure he isn't harming himself. (Its really sweet of you to want to do this, but you got to remember how he treated you and how his behavior made you feel. I understand you care about him, but its so important to put yourself first, and realize its his problem if he is harming himself)I don't have contact info for any of his friends that would tell me how he is.