What do I do?
My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. We just had a baby not too long ago and right after that she told me that she loved me but she wasn't in love with me. Since then she has been going on dating sites and meeting new guys to talk to and meeting them in person. Once a week she goes out and hangs out with a guy and has some drinks. She says she doesn't want me to leave and she just wants to know if she can even love someone. She had an affair 3 months after we were married that lasted about 3 months. She is always wanting to hang out with old boyfriend's that are just friends now. She has cheated on me 5 or 6 times since our baby has been born. She is very open and honest about everything and I don't want to leave her but I don't know how to deal with this or if I even should deal with it.
@SapuSlaw85
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. We just had a baby not too long ago and right after that she told me that she loved me but she wasn't in love with me. (The "I love you" part its her way to not hurt your feelings and to soften the blow. The "I'm not in love with you part" is what counts because this is how she feels about you. I do believe she stopped having feelings for you a long time ago, and possibly lost all attraction for you). Since then she has been going on dating sites and meeting new guys to talk to and meeting them in person. (This tells me she has zero intengrity, wants to feel the empy void she has, and wants to get her needs met with other men while being married to you...this is not the kind of woman you want to keep having a marriage) Once a week she goes out and hangs out with a guy and has some drinks. (This is because she knows there's no consenquences, and that you'll stay no matter how many guy she dates even though she is married to you) She says she doesn't want me to leave (She wants to have the security and house part with you, while she explore things with other guys. She is behaving very selfish, and has zero loyalty to you) and she just wants to know if she can even love someone. (These are just excuses...she is disrtoting reality and minimize what's going on by saying " I want to know if i can even love". She is not getting her needs met by you, so she wants to screw other guys) She had an affair 3 months after we were married that lasted about 3 months. (This is a major red flag...your wife has zero intengrity and loyalty. I don't think she was that excited for marriage, she probably went along with things and then decided to cheat) She is always wanting to hang out with old boyfriend's that are just friends now. ("Hang out" sure...)She has cheated on me 5 or 6 times since our baby has been born. (This woman doesn't respect the marriage, family or even you. She knows you'll stay with her even after she cheats on you, it's why her attitude has not changed) She is very open and honest about everything and I don't want to leave her but I don't know how to deal with this or if I even should deal with it. (Its impossible to have a healthy marriage and a family with a woman who cheats on you, you should value and respect yourself more because right now she doesn't value your presence in her life. Look at her actions, not at what she is saying...are her actions of a woman who really loves you and want to be with you?)
@freshLight64
I understand what you're saying. Our sex life has actually gotten better and she has opened up about what she really wants because of this. She has told me that she only has sex with me now and I do believe her. I can usually tell if she's lieing and she has no reason to hide it. She tells me everything and that's what I've asked her to do. Our marriage is amazing other than this part. I think her biggest problem is she doesn't know how to love. She was brought up with her mom buying her love so she has always looked for that feeling from other people. She has such a need for it because she never got it when she was younger that if I get complacent then she will start looking for that feeling in other places. I'm not saying it's my fault but it's hard to be on your game 100% of the time when this stuff is happening.
@SapuSlaw85
I agree she should fix the problem she's having by facing it. However is no excuse to cross boundaries.
If she wants to find out what love is doesn't mean she has to ruin it for someone else.
Cheating is never (never) ok . Don't settle for it. Is a matter of disrespect since she's not considering your feelings. Why should you understand hers yet she doesn't understand yours?
Its her journey, not yours , therefore it isn't fair to drag you along and basically "lock you up".
If you guys agreed would be a relationship only between the two, and no one else, then is considering cheating.
My advice to you is to run for your life. I might sound dramatic, but as a woman I have to say what's she's doing is beyond inconsiderate. Not many women are fortunate to have a loving husband who is a good father aswell. Right now you're being considerate of her, and understanding, is why is quite... shocking she goes to the extreme of cheating and being "honest" about it.
You deserve honesy and love. You don't deserve to be in that situation.
I'm very sorry.
I genuinly hope in the future things go better for you, and I do wish the best for your baby aswell.