What do I do about this boy
We were on the way to getting engaged, and I moved into his house with he and his parents. He broke up with me two weeks later saying he lost that romantic feeling and it would take a miracle to bring it back. I'm heartbroken and as soon as I start making plans to move out and I start to feel better, he comes to me and says he's feeling depressed and he doesn't want to lose me as his friend becuase he can't talk to anyone like he talks to me. We began to be friends but then he starts to do things like a relationship and he says he likes me again. A few days later he said it disappeared. More days later after we have begun to touch and be intimate and he says he's only talking to me and we're together almost all the time, he says that he's confused on whether or not he wants to be with me. He feels like we're just super amazing friends who do....things together. He says dating again would be committing to me and giving up the idea that anyone else could ever mean more than me. What do I do?
One last detail, I love him with all of my heart and I fully believe that we could have a wonderful relationship this time around if we dated again. At the moment I'm just waiting on him to decide if he wants to date again or if he thinks we need to be completely over.
@goldenThinker3616
Hey there, Hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
We were on the way to getting engaged, and I moved into his house with he and his parents. He broke up with me two weeks later saying he lost that romantic feeling and it would take a miracle to bring it back. (Hearing this must had come as a shock to you, things were going fine, you two were about to engage then all of the sudden he says something very hurtful "I lost my romantic feelings for you and it would take a miracle to bring them back". This does sounds like it has been happening for awhile). I'm heartbroken and as soon as I start making plans to move out and I start to feel better (You did the right thing here by making plans to move out and to heal after he said those things, it must had taken a lot of courage from you)., he comes to me and says he's feeling depressed and he doesn't want to lose me as his friend becuase he can't talk to anyone like he talks to me. (This isn't fair to you at all, he first said "I lost my romantic feelings for you and it would take a miracle to bring them back" and then all of the sudden he doesn't want to lose you and he can't talk to anyone like he does to you. You were about to leave, so that probably triggered a fear of anxiety of what it would be to be without you, he pretty much is thinking of ways to soothe himself by having you as a friend without thinking of how hurt you were after hearing those hurt. Its pretty much behaving self-absorbed from his part). We began to be friends but then he starts to do things like a relationship and he says he likes me again. (This is very unfair, I thought it would take a miracle for those feelings to comeback?) A few days later he said it disappeared. (I would need more information, but this guy doesn't know what he wants, may have problems with closeness, and some sort of depression. Being in a relationship with him becomes unpedictable, where you don't know if he is feelings will be there, if they will be gone or if they will remain there. He is going back and forth and it isn't fair to you). More days later after we have begun to touch and be intimate and he says he's only talking to me and we're together almost all the time, he says that he's confused on whether or not he wants to be with me. (It starting to sound that his feelings come back when he has his space, but when things are too close they somehow dissappear. He is just really confusing you, you don't deserve being with a man like this. You deserve a partner who knows what he wants, who doesn't have the same issues as you, and who loves you a lot). He feels like we're just super amazing friends who do....things together. (Going the friendship route its not being authentic, because you want so much more, but this is probably his way to sabotage things) He says dating again would be committing to me and giving up the idea that anyone else could ever mean more than me. What do I do?
@freshLight64 I think a lot of your assessment was correct. Yesterday, I made him decide because I didn't think that more time after a whole month of the exact same thing was going to fix anthing. We decided to break it off entirely. We won't really be talking, texting, or hanging out. The only thing that makes me slightly frustrated is that he still thinks that if we take this break then maybe we can start all over and really make it next time because I've changed and space will change us even more. He says he stilll doesn't have that romantic feeling, but maybe it will come back after that break and we could grow from friends to dating again. It reminds me of a previous relationship I had that was similar. The guy said he didnt think he wanted to be with me and he dragged it out for a long time. Eventually we finally and fully ended it and after not speaking for a month or two he came back and asked to date me again. At the time I had begun dating someone else. I feel a sense of deja vu and this entire time I think. I've known in my gut that we would end it fully but I also feel as if he will come back. I know I need to focus on me and try to help myself and also not try to focus on the question of what if he comes back.
I guess this was a bit of an update along with asking if you have any other opinions or insightful comments.
@goldenThinker3616
Hey there, well from what you mentioned, I could tell that breaking things off entirely was not an easy decision for you, but it was probably the best choice at this moment on time because of his behavior. One thing I'm noticing its how he is using the word "maybe" about the future, this person obviously doesn't know what he wants. It's very confusing being around a person like this, he started showing signs of romantic interest then backs away, and then mentions "I still don't have romantic feelings" and again he is using the word "maybe" when it comes to his "feelings" coming back. I'm noticing that there's a pattern of you being in romantic relationships with guys who are like this, which tells me this kind of behavior feels familiar to you, either parents or relatives probably displayed similar traits as him. If he comes back then it's up to you, but think very carefully about what happen for the past months or so.
@goldenThinker3616 my rule is if you have to think about whether or not you want to be with someone the answer is no. When everything feels right there will be no doubts. I don't think you should let him have this much control. He might need time on his own to figure things out, he might love you as a friend only or be affraid to be on his own. Either way if you have romantic feelings for him then all he is doing is playing with them. It sucks I know, but it's important to always do the right thing. Don't prolong the process, wait until you find someone that has no doubt they want to be with you.