Why is it so hard to end a love relationship?

Many people wonder why it is so difficult to end a relationship, as on the outside it is seen as clear and simple.

In these situations, there are often more factors than we can see at first glance.

As a rule, ending a love relationship is not an easy task, especially if it has lasted for years and many bonds of dependency have formed along the way. This happens regardless of whether you take the initiative. However, if a relationship is not working, why is it so difficult to end it?

The post-separation process is a mourning phase. Losing a partner is a change in habits marked by a negative event, and the brain activates the same areas as when a loved one dies.

There are many relevant factors when you are thinking about ending the relationship. In this article, you can explore the grieving process that takes place at this time, as well as the reasons that keep people from separating from their partners.

Grief after ending a love relationship.

Breaking up with your partner unleashes a world of sensations that vary by person and the quality of the relationship, from relief to trauma. However, there is always a grieving process to a greater or lesser degree, as it involves a change in daily life and the loss of some positive aspects.

Changes also take place at the level of the brain. The insular cortex is activated in the days after the end, creating the sensation of emotional pain. The nucleus accumbens, which processes gains and losses, along with the neocortex's reasoning function, is put in place to analyze what went wrong.

Grief phases after separation.

Any grief process is made up of phases. This can vary depending on the person and their circumstances, but there are a number of steps that can be generalized for most individuals:

Stun: Confusion and disbelief predominate, especially in people who did not expect the end. At this stage there is a lot of pain and sadness, and sometimes the other person is expected to repent and come back.

Longing and Searching: there is still the desire to return to the ex-partner, but other negative feelings start to appear, such as resentment or anxiety in face of fictitious scenarios, such as infidelity.

Disorganization: the social isolation caused by previous phases and depressive feelings lead to this phase of hopelessness. The person accepts that the other is not coming back and that still causes pain. There is disinterest in daily activities.

Reorganization: acceptance is internalized and the focus of attention is turned on itself. At this stage, the social distance increases and we tend to intensify the process of vital reconstruction, reactivating the social sphere.

Why is it so hard to end a love relationship?

Considering the grief process you have to go through, it's common to resist ending a relationship, even if unconsciously. When you have the prospect of suffering, it's hard to take that step.

Oftentimes, especially in toxic relationships, there are factors that impede the decision to put an end to it. If you want to get to know them, you'll find the most important ones in the following sections.

Emotional dependency.

People who have an addictive relationship with their partner are very likely to feel that they can't cope with life without them. This is usually accompanied by low self-esteem and fear of loneliness.

The positive parts of the relationship.

While the reasons for leaving a relationship are strong and decisive, it is often necessary to let go of the positives as well. Often, these advantages tend to serve as specific mitigations for the general discomfort and create doubts when ending the relationship.

External pressures.

Culture, religion, or simply a person's closest circles can pressure them not to abandon their relationships. For example, the perception that love is forever and that divorce is a failure can make it difficult to end a relationship.

Joint Responsibilities.

Common children are often one of the reasons a person stays with their partner, even if they are not happy. The expectation is that the children will suffer from the separation, and this delays the decision.

One last note on the difficulty of ending a love relationship.

There are more serious situations that prevent a person from leaving their partner. Victims of gender violence can suffer a paradoxical adaptation syndrome, in which they establish a bond with the aggressor and justify and protect him.

This is an unconscious way of protecting the mind from the extreme situation in which the victim lives. Other times, she does not abandon the aggressor because she fears for her life, that of her children, others or pets.

As you can see, when a person is considering whether to end a romantic relationship or not, there are many factors that play an important role in the decision. Doing the right thing should be the priority and if there are serious obstacles – such as gender violence.