Why is it so hard to love myself
I am currently in a relationship with a guy I've been with for almost two years. He's not my first love, or serious relationship. I've had my heart crushed before, I felt like I was not going to survive it. That break up was so hard for me, it's when I started self harming. But I got better! And I found my new boyfriend and some self confidence and I promised myself I wouldn't feel like that ever again. It wasn't healthy and I deserve more. But here I am. Years later, new man, new relationship, new love, new break up, new heart break. I know I can be a lot, I know I need a lot of validation, and I have some anger issues and trust issues but I deserve to be loved back. I deserve someone not to want to leave all the time. I have a big heart I don't know why the people I give it to stomp all over it. Here I am feeling like I'm sinking again only this time it's not my teen angst or whatever. I'm an adult woman heart broken the same way, trying to make him stay the same way, feeling like it's me, like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. And I probably won't be. I'm sorry for wasting so many people's time. Life sucks
@blueBlueberry2558 I'm proud of you for being so self aware although reflecting on what's been going on is so painful. You've made great effort to improve yourself and it's frustrating to try to change, I relate to that struggle. It's hurtful when people are invalidating but it made me happy to see you state that you believe that you deserve love! You absolutely do and even if it takes a long time to learn to heal, the journey is worth it and I believe that you can heal because I had and still have many doubts about myself but continuously working on them helps.
Have you done research on attachment styles? Looking up how to move from being preoccupied to stable has helped me a great deal. This is research done to analyze how people approach relationships based on what they're used to and focused on healing from painful dynamics.
Lastly, I wish you the best and the growth you've experienced so far shows you can improve so much more to love yourself and be your best self. What you're struggling with is completely natural and I promise it's completely possible to get better, to change things for the better, and eventually be in a healthy relationship. Sending love! 💕💕
