"You're not the problem"

Ex gf is 23 and makes almost $1,000 a week and lives at home as she is applying to dpt skool. She has let her psrents control her entire life(daddy's a doctor and covert unconfrontational narcissist). They know her routing numbers etc. She isn't "allowed" to make her car insurance payments, I've told her to put the cash on the table and have HR switch direct deposit to a new account she opens up...and she will just look at me in silence.

I started therapy at my college. I told the therapist the situation over the past 2 years. And my therapist stopped me midway to ask if my ex has untreated anxiety. I said my ex was in therapy for it in high-school but hasn't gone back because she is scared about mommy and daddy seeing the insurance statement.

My therapist stopped me and told me "Has she told you you complete her?" I said yes. And then my therapist told me no one can be in a relationship if they have not truly lived life and have been trained to be codependent, especially when they have the resources to break that codependency and choose to let their mental health control them instead of the other way around.

She told me my ex has a lot of growing up to do and that she has to catch up to where I'm at emotionally, because she isn't her own person yet and putting the relationship we had on a pedestal isn't healthy. She should be focusing on skool, her mental health, and financially separating herself from her parents (ex would complain I'm too busy and she hated how she has to "set up an appointment" to see me). Being busy is the price you pay for being independent...she doesn't undertand that being a adult is constantly taking care of things that need to be taken of.

My therapist told me my ex talks to me like I'm garbage over the phone because that's how she feels about herself for not standing up for our relationship, and it's different in person then on the phone because she doesn't have to be face to face and CONFRONT the consequences she causes by her inaction to change her situation with the tools she has. (her parenrs never liked me because I'm not spoiled and in college).

I told me therpaist my ex didn't like things I would say about her parents. But my therapist put it perfectly "For as long as your ex can't set, and maintain boundaries between her relationship with her parents and her own love life with you, she will only be building animosity inside you which will understandably become the anger you feel. She has to see that, yes, its on her. But unfortunately, she has never faced any life struggles due to her parents control, so until she gets out of that cycle and trades comfort for freedom and independence, I wouldn't try and save someone who didn't want to be saved"

She then told me straight out "I have 2 daughters, both 19 and 24, you aren't the problem."

Nice to know

I hope my ex wakes up

God willing