best friends... are not for life....
*Trigger warning*- Edited by @blitheSun94 for content
We met 6 years ago in a forum (not 7 cups...) I was going through a difficult moment in my life and we could say that she saved my life that day. We became friends, she lives in the USA, I live in a different place, we stood by each other's side for a long time, we had our moments of joy, laughter, and we also fought and had a few misundertandings, I believe that's friendship. Two years ago I realized that I was having some strong feelings for here, romantic feelings... and I confessed to her that I'm bisexual (I'm a girl btw), she seemed fine with that, she told me that that was not a problem and that we could still be friends, that she will always support me no matter what. A few months after coming out to her, I told her that I was in love with her, again, she seemed fine with that but made it clear that we could only be friend, and since I didn't wanted to lose my friend I agreed, but I wanted more. Things started to get difficult because of the delays on her side to answer my emails or my messages, she changed, she didn't said that she loved me anymore, we talked for few moments and there where times when we went without talking for weeks, I became dependant of that relationship, and last december we had a fight. I posted some pics on facebook about me hurting myslf, (cuts and bruises) and I constantly threaten with killing myself (and I tried in more than one occasion, still trying...), she got tired of all of that and she stopped talking to me, now we are no longer friends, and the problem is that if I can't have her in my life there really is no reason for me to stay alive. I find myself constantly thinking about her, I can't sleep and I'm not eating well, and I have no desire to keep trying. I really really really wish I was dead..... I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm losing my mind, I want to forget her but I don't know how to do that, and it really pisses me off when people tell me to take on a hobby or watch tv or movies or listen to music but all of that are just temporary solutions, I need something more permanent, or maybe suicide isn't such a bad idea after all..
I understand the pain and confusion over losing a close friend but suicide is not the answer.
@MinervaStar you never know...
I do know, I've been there, I lost my best friend too, for about the same reason. It is not the answer.
@MinervaStar maybe not for you
Not for you either!
@MinervaStar well, that's something i'll have to figure out on my own
Dear Writer,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart here. I think this is not an uncommon theme pertaining to our relationship to others. This is an important reminder of the risk we take in participating in friendships.
I can relate very much to what you have described here. One of my closest friends abruptly ended our friendship with zero explanation. This was someone who I spoke with everyday for hours at a time. This is someone I thought would be around forever, someone I absolutely took for granted. The pain of this loss crushed me into the ground and had me re-thinking my capacity to connect. Suddenly, I was reaching life milestones and other things you want to tell the people you share your life with..and he was gone.
I also have struggled with self injury for ten years and know the damaging effects it can have. I will also say out loud that this loss definitely triggered a number of relapses in me.
I am going to share this story with you because it also reveals what happened next, and how to prevent this kind of co-dependent closeness from happening again. The truth of the matter is that we will continue to make ourselves vulnerable to people who harbor real power to change and even hurt us. The difference is in how we deal with that expectation or happening in a healthy way. Mainly, because it will happen.
Please Visit: Borderlines Engineer the End of the Very Relationships They Covet
Also, Clarity: Fears of Abandonment and BPD
True, these were written for the Borderline Support Community, but I do truly believe there is some insight here to all human relationships.
I hope you find this helpful.
My heart hurts for you. I know this pain well. 
"I don't know what you mean by healing. I think God put you as friends, and there are a lot of risks in being friends with someone, and you are feeling that risk right now, in the pain you feel having lost him. And I hope you never lose being angry at this. Maybe his friends, their most important mission, is reminding the world to be angry at that. And we must not ever heal from that. Never"
I have had the same crush on a person since I was 8 years old. Having hobbies, new friends, or distractions didn't do anything. However, life does go on and you will love again. You may always love this friend who's not reciprocating..... but life is still going to evolve and surprise you, as long as you don't give up.
Suicide is never the answer :c If she doesn't want you in her life, you should go on... It's very hard and I totally understand you, but it's not impossible.
It's very hard to live without the reason of your happiness, but maybe life has something better for you, you shouldn't lose hope c': You just have to believe it... Maybe right now you think life ends without her... But you have a happy long life waiting for you, the easy way is never the answer! <3
Keep fighting! :D
Nobody understands....
That's not true. You are not alone in this feeling. It's an all encompassing pain the squeezes your heart making it hard to breathe. And every day that they aren't there is like another gash in your soul that feels like it will never heal.
But it will, slowly over time the pain dulls and it will get easier to breathe. You will always miss her, or at least I know I will mine but I don't feel like I'm going to die each day she's not there... I promise suicide is not the answer
@MinervaStar yeah, I know I'm not the only one in the world feeling like this, but I know I am alone, I know I can't go on without her, and I don't want to live anymore either... don't tell me that times makes it easier because that's not true, I've been like this for a long time and time doesn't seem to help at all.... why won't you let me die anyway? you don't know me...
@HSolo08 because I promise, it will get better. I've been where you are, the hopelessness of being alone, alienated. But you will heal, others will come across your path and befriend you, love you. It will happen. And though I may not know you I don't want you to give up. Please I know its hard but keep up the fight.
@MinervaStar what makes you think that after what happened with this friend I want more people in my life? no, I don't want to have friends anymore, I don't want to get hurt again, and I know you're going to tell me that not all people are the same, but I'm not going to take that risk again.
@HSolo08 okay, the hermit approach then. I admire the commitment to your solitude, and wish you well. Though isn't life more exciting and fulfilling with risk?
@MinervaStar I don't know, I don't feel like getting hurt again... you think that's exciting?
@HSolo08 no, hurting sucks, but there is so much more out there then pain and fear. Marvels of nature, the creativity of the human spirit. So many differences and yet similarities. Tell me besides being with this friend what else has brought you joy? A pet, or book, movie or song, maybe your favorite tree or visiting a family member you don't see often?
@MinervaStar soccer, but I don't play anymore, when she left, she took all the good in me, I can't even play soccer anymore, not at the same level I used to, and I don't really enjoy it now.
@HSolo08 okay, soccer is cool. I challenge the idea that she took all the good in you with her. You said it was a long time ago so maybe you're just out of practice? I know it can be hard to get back into something especially if it was something you did with her but it seems a shame to let unrequited love ruin the sport.
@MinervaStar she ruined the sport, the things I liked and my life... I don't feel like doing anything to be honest.
@HSolo08 I get that, sometimes it's just easier to watch the shadows move across the room from your bed. That is until your body demands a bathroom break or food and water, which is so rude. But if you enjoyed soccer you where a pretty active person, don't you get fidgety from doing nothing?
@MinervaStar not really, I spend most of my time at work, and on mondays, which is my free day, I just sleep all day long.
@HSolo08 ah work, do you like your job?
@MinervaStar not really, I feel frustrated, I spent almost 6 years to get my computer engineering degree (which I still don't have because of money problems) and I ended up selling crap at a shopping mall, I'm underpaid and my boss is a bitch.
@HSolo08 I can understand that frustration. I'm sorry money troubles have kept you from your degree. What about looking for something else with better pay? Now that you've worked in the mall you have that coveted customer service skills so many employers look for, even if you don't have the experience in the job your applying for sometimes that experience means more. It's how I ended in the job I have now.
@MinervaStar what for? I'm going to die, so, there's really no point in changing job now...
@HSolo08 :( we're all going to some day, no sense being unhappy before then
@MinervaStar you know what I meant.
@HSolo08 I understood yeas, but I still think that there is hope for you to continue on. Onre probably straight girl who didn't like you back in that way shouldn't be the end. :( there is so much more out there
@MinervaStar I want her.
@HSolo08 I get that but if she doesn't want you why pine over her? You seem like an awesome person with more than enough to offer, once you've worked past the fear of being hurt again you could easily find someone worthy of your affection
@MinervaStar I don't want to get hurt again, I already told you that...
@HSolo08 I know, but that's fear because there is nothing to say that you would get hurt again, there is the chance that if you opened up that the next person you let in might just stay
@MinervaStar no, it's too late for that
@HSolo08 :( don't say that, its never to late you can come back from this pain
@MinervaStar it doesn't feel that way, I've been trying and I can't get over her, I can't get her out of my head, I can't stop thinking about her and it hurts to much...
@HSolo08 I know...it sucks, I still find myself thinking back to what was, what could have been... But living in the past doesn't help anyone. It hurts but taking it one day at a time and working to reconnect with what you like such as soccer
@MinervaStar I just want to die.
@HSolo08 no, please don't give up
@MinervaStar it's too painful
@HSolo08 I know its painful, but you are stronger then the pain
@MinervaStar I'm not
@HSolo08 you're here, you're talking to me, you are stronger than the pain
@MinervaStar yes, I'm here, and I'm talking to you, but I'm in pain and I'm alone and I miss my friend everyday, it hurts thinking about her and the worst part is that I can't stop thinking about her.
I know, I've been there, I promise it gets better
@MinervaStar when?
@HSolo08 I don't know :( it taken a long time for me to get to a place where I didn't feel like I was shattering to a million pieces and even now I still have days where my heart aches
@MinervaStar see, I can't wait for long, I just can't
Why is there a race?
@MinervaStar I don't want to live like this anymore.
I know, it sucks but it's not all bad is it?
A few years ago a friendship I had ended. I was friends with a guy who I was in love with and he was fine with it. He was always there for me when I needed him but eventually my dependence on him became too much and he insulted me and we argued and that was it. Since then whenever we've seen each other things are awkward and he seems to find excuses to talk to me and stuff but that isn't important. I'll be honest I'm still not 100% over him. But truly the way that I got through the pain and the way I kept him off my mind was by keeping myself busy. I spent all my free time with my friends. Since what happened I actually dated someone for about a year and a half and I was happy and I didn't think about the first guy. But we broke up recently and so lately I've been thinking about the first guy and therefore I've been keeping myself busy so I don't think about either of them. I know it seems hard and I know that it's only a temporary solution but you have to apply the mindset you have while you're distracted during the times you aren't distracted.
I don't think suicide is the answer. I've had my fair share of suicidal thoughts, and I'm glad I didn't do anything about them. I hope you can find the strength you need to move past this. I'm not saying you have to forget what happened, you just have to grow as a person and accept what happened. And to be honest I think I should do the same :)
I hope I could help a bit :))
@BlueJay724 at least you have friends, I don't, I'm alone.. I won't be able to forget her, that's why I think suicide is my only option.
You don't have anyone you think you can talk to?
@BlueJay724 no, I'm alone.
youre not alone. I promise that you aren't. If you can't think of someone in person to talk to, then spend time on 7cups. You can make tons of friends and if you're ever feeling low there will always be someone to talk to
@BlueJay724 I had friends here, but they were all guests and now guests are not allowed to be here, so I have no one, so, I'm alone again...