girlfriend and i decided to take a break but we still talk everyday
hey y'all i'm Going Through It as i'm sure a lot of us are. about two weeks ago my long distance girlfriend messaged me saying that we should just stay friends for now, as a lot would need to change before things could be healthy/sustainable for us and i agreed. it's a long story so i won't get too into it, but she said she doesn't wanna say we're 100% done and that she wants things to be better but she needs to see at least 6+ months of me showing improvement for her to really believe that things can be better (she also has a lot she needs to work on). thing is, she messaged me literally the next morning as if we didn't just have a conversation about breaking things off for a bit, and we've been chatting back and forth like usual since. i've been getting marginally better each day, but she's still literally all i think about and i've been having a lot of anxiety about the whole thing. it's especially bad tonight because tomorrow would have been our anniversary and i'm just not sure what i should do. it hasn't felt like much of a break with us just talking like normal minus talking about "us" or throwing in any sort of lovey/mushy stuff, and i just feel really confused and anxious. i don't want to stop talking to her or push her away, but at the same time it really just doesn't feel like a break to me, and 6 months just feels like such a long time to be in this position.
@wierdsuperhero
It doesn't feel like a break to you, because it isn't, but that also has created a lot of anxiety because your connection is ambiguous aka uncertain. The uncertainty is what is causing your anxiety, but remember it's how you're analyzing the situation between you which is amplifying the issue itself.
I'll give you the best guidance I can base on what you've written in your posting.
Put down the label maker. That's right. Stop trying to label what you both share. Not every situation or relationship requires a label of boyfriend/girlfriend. From what you wrote, it seems that there are a lot of issues on both sides that would need to be worked out for a true relationship to develop, and I haven't even started in about the distance yet. When we throw that into the mix, it adds another layer of complexity to what you both share.
Free yourself from needing to label and just be with her, and do not get into debates or arguments about what you both are and what this is and what it means, especially long term. If things are meant to be, you're both aiming to be together, and it's mutual, then it will happen. I'm sure it's pretty clear that you've told her many times what you'd like to happen. She has too, in her own way, recently. This means, allow it to happen naturally if it's going to, instead of trying to force it together or attempt to secure the connection with labels. That will not work, and in fact, will push things apart faster.
She wants a break. Therefore, you'd want to stop bringing up relationship discussions, or anything tied to the concept of the both of you being together.
So what should you focus on instead?
1. Working on yourself to be the man that a woman would want to be with
2. Treating her as a good friend and appreciating the time that you spend with her
If you stop with the obsessing and labeling, you'll find your anxiety will reduce and you can be yourself - which is what she was attracted to in the first place. It's very easy to stress yourself out with situations like this because there is a huge amount of control that you do NOT have. You cannot will her to love you, cannot change her mind easily, nor can you heavily influence her choice to be with you and those factors alone likely create a lot of unnecessary anxiety. People often exhibit anxiety over situations they cannot or do not maintain a sense of control, and relationships are the worst when it comes to handling all the complex components of what makes them work, especially long term.
Do not put your life on hold for her. You're on a break, her request, so act accordingly.
Do not allow yourself to fall victim to becoming someone's bookmark, or second best, or "you're there in case someone else doesn't work out".
Do not put her on a pedestal.
Do not lie to yourself and convince yourself the situation is more than it is, always maintains a sense of reality that there is no relationship you share other than the connection, and your friendship.
Things can change down the road, but remain strong about what you want and need in a relationship. Not everything is about her and her wants/needs. Your role in a relationship is always 50%, just as hers... and a relationship decision must be mutual, not one-sided. You both must want a relationship bad enough together, especially with long-distance involved.
You're the only one in this situation that is looking out for your own best interests, realize that and own that fact.
I hope things between you work out, I really do - but, remember that even if it doesn't, that's ok, and you're going to be ok - there are millions upon millions of other options out there for you to try.