girlfriend was my only friend
I never had any close friends outside of school because I was always busy with playing hockey. But in my senior year I became extremly close with my ex. We were bestfriends for a year and dated for about a year and a half. We would see each other every single chance we could. I was naturally taken into her friend group because we would all hangout together, but I never considered any of them a real friend. I felt like i was only being invited because I was dating her. We recently broke up about two weeks ago and I feel like my life is falling apart. I am struggling to keep up with my course in college and I have no one. All of our "friends" are closer with my ex and no one talks to me now. She broke up with me so abruptly saying our personalities didnt match. I saw a future with her but now I have nothing. i dont know what to do.
Hello IDK,
Breaking up is certainly not easy. You go through all the stages of grief like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, etc. Know that it does get better and have patience with your own grief response. Don't let anyone tell you to get over it or snap out of it by a certain point in time. Only you can say how long it will take to heal. If it doesn't get more manageable, I would urge you to check in with a good counseler with whom you have a good connection and who has training in mindfulness-based stress reduction. I also know you may not feel priceless but you actually are. You have an inherent value as a human being, despite how you may feel. Learning to love ourselves more, regardless of feeling like our heart was just ripped out of our chest, is the hardest thing for anyone to do, especially when we are caught in a trance of unworthiness after a break-up. However, with practice and deliberate effort, progress is very possible. It will lead you to a more stable and centered existence so you can better deal with grief and move forward. Try reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It's a quick read but it may help a lot. Take care and hang in there!
And btw, you need to be your OWN best friend first, of course -- which would technically make your girlfriend the SECOND friend in your life, not the ONLY one. :-)
Thank you for sharing. I was in the same too and 3 weeks later, i've realized that things keep moving forward.
first, it's okay to feel confused or down. that's natural when a breakup happens and what you thought was possible turned out to take a turn. don't isolate yourself. when you feel alone, you actually aren't. you're with yourself. you can choose to remain in a depressed state--but that will crush your spirits. you are cherished and are worth more than those negative feelings. remind yourself that some good things come to an end so that great things can happen. be your own friend. be kind to yourself in this time. it takes time to get past this event but eventually you'll realize YOU are what makes you happy. really. it's true. how you think , feel, react, behave..it effects your happiness. Love yourself and build friendship with yourself first and foremost.
don't think about the past. let it go bit by bit. affirm yourself that there's people out there you'll meet and inevitably care for you. do something recreational to relieve your stress and don't think about your ex's life. that's her own. focus on yourself. that's self-care and that's where healing starts. somedays you'lll feel even more down. but stay in there! keep fighting the emotions. you'll make it out stronger bc you realize strength is when you can love yourself and make it past the hill without relying on the things/people you thought were everything. i believe in you! stay strong