he broke up, still in love (LDR)

@lauradcl i would try to meet someone in person then date online cause you don't really know what type of personality this person really has they could be completely different in person so i would really be more careful and maybe do a back ground check.

@lauradcl

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

my boyfriend and i were in a long distance relationship, we met on social media, everything happened way too quickly for both of us (I feel that you projected unmet needs and a fantasy on each other) and i realized when it was already over. i was head over heels for him, and he felt the same way about me. i'm 20, he's turning 22 this month and he's told me several times that i'm the first person he's fallen in love with. (This is a red flag right here, so he had other two serious relationships and he didn't fall in love with?, theres a chance he stayed with them to get his unmet needs and to feel loved) he's been with other girls before, 2 serious relationships before ours and he swears he never felt for those girls what he felt about me. said i was the one, (He has been looking for "the one" that will make him happy and meet his unmet needs. He will also have unreasonable expectations of you, and will pin point imperfections he might see) the best person he's ever met and the one who's treated him the best (he also told me that after the break up, as well as other things like he doesn't know what happened and that it's not his or my fault)

everything seemed like a dream and what i'm living now is a nightmare.

he's hurting me, he's acting selfish, doesn't really care about my feelings anymore although at first we were giving each other ''some time'' so that we could both focus on our lives, and so i could focus on becoming the laura he knew at first. (During the honeymoon phase is where we mostly show our good side, the other person does the same thing, and other thing going on. The moment where you two start to feel comfortable, certain insecurities coming out, or he begins to notice you are not the fantasy he has in his mind is where he will begin to blame everything on you and point out flaws. He has unreasonable expectations of romantic partners, so it will make you try to measure up, even though its impossible)

he wanted to keep in contact as usual and i tried, i really did, but i couldn't just ignore what i felt, that ''i don't know what's going to happpen'' feeling stopped me from acting normal. (At this point you didn't feel comfortable and safe in this relationship because of his behavior. I noticed you invested higher than him, while his needs became the priority of this relationship)

now i'm trying no contact after he stopped replying to my texts. i've acted needy, and i don't want him to think that i need him anymore. (You are doing great in not contacting him)

the reasons he's given me that eventually lead to the break up were my insecurities and the distance. (This is his way of blaming you for everything, even though he played a major role in how things ended)

i really don't feel like i've acted as insecure as he thinks. i've had some problems, yeah, but i fixed it the second i realized what i was doing wrong. what happened is that i started taking birth control pills that really messed me up. even then we never really argued, i just felt more insecure which i don't think is something to blame me for or get tired for.(They are times where each partner are showing behavior that are turning each other off, and from the looks of it something was really bothering him) instead, he should've helped me more, he should've made me feel ENOUGH (I think that feeling enough should start with the connection of our parents and growing up. I can tell this is part of an unmet you tried to push on him because the only person who can make you feel enough is you. I do think he didn't make you feel comfortable, safe, loved and understood)which was the only thing i needed.

when it all exploded, just then, he admited that me denying positive comments hurt him. he felt like i didn't listen to his praises. (I can see why this would hurt him, but at the same he was giving those positive comments expecting something in return, so they were not given in an unconditional way)

i did, i tried to make him understand that i did listen and i did appreciate the positive messages and the love. that's obviously what i needed, but maybe i needed it to be more frequent in order to really stop with the weird thoughts. (I thought you handled this well, its just he is incapable of giving praise or compliments without expecting nothing in return.)

i still don't understand how his love for me faded that quickly, how you go from ''you're the love of my life'' to ''i love you but not in the same way as before, not the way you want me to love you'' (These are mixed messages, and i can tell his emotions are all over the place. He fell in love with the person you were during the honeymoon phase, what he doesn't understand is that normal things would change after the honeymoon phase wears off. The last statement he said came across as manipulative, "I love you, but not in the same way as before" is what he meant to say)

but i love him.