how do you know it's time to let go?
How do you know it's time to file?
Long story short - we both had affairs (mine first). She doesn't seem very remorseful. Has completely disconnected. Barely talks to me. Zero attention, affection, care, respect, etc.
We have been to 6 marriage counseling sessions so far, this weeks was her solo. I don't think she is taking is very seriously, as she has done very little in terms of the home work or the instruction we have been given. She also stated that she didn't feel the solo session helped her.
I looked at her phone and she had googled 'i don't think i love my husband anymore'. Yesterday in therapy she told me she was no longer attracted to me and lost all respect for me.
I really want to make it work. But I can't read her or figure out the situation. She is so distant and virtually refuses to talk about it. She won't communicate about almost anything. I know she is very depressed, however it's such an impossible situation being the only one showing any effort.
When is it time to pull the trigger? Very hesitant as we have a 9 year old, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I refuse to accept blame for mine and her affair. I refuse to do all of the work. I refuse to be the door mat and put in all of the effort while she sits around and does nothing. She is a stay at home mom and has done zero towards the house or any effort in normal duties.
Please help!
@saddad44 That sounds like a really rough situation to be in. When you first started dating, and when you guys first got married, what did you love about her?
We grew up together since we were 11 years old. Known each other forever. Dated a few times. Finally when I moved back into town we got together, had an accident about a month later, and the rest is history. We got married quickly.
I love my wife dearly. She is smart, indepdendent, sexy, caring and passionate most of the time.
It's just like she is a changed person after we both had our affairs, and I don't know how long I can handle it or take it anymore. My stuff ended over 4 months ago, her's was about 2 months ago.
I want to save it, but not sure she does and don't know what to do. I am too scared to end it or take any sort of hard line with her, I fear it will make it worse. I don't want to lose my family, nor raise my 9 year old in a broken home. :(
@saddad44
You are both married to each other bit yet you both had affairs why?
I made a mistake in December when I left the house for 2.5 weeks. I was fed up with many things. I got drunk one night and it turned into a weekend from hell. I went back the next day and confessed my sins. It was a mistake, I think a lot of it had to do with some new meds my doctor put me on and was messing with my brain and reasoning. It was so out of character for me. No excuses, I own my mistakes.
She won't own hers, I do have a problem with that, but willing to put it aside for the sake of our marriage. But nothign seems to work.
I appreciate the suggestions.
But how do you deal with soemone who virtually refuses to communicate? Instantly gets angry when you try, no matter how rationale or calm you may be? She doesn't seem to take the marriage counseling very seriously either.
This morning she said 'i dont want to have sex with anyone right now' - poor choice of words perhaps, but I am sensitive to it. Ugh.