miss him

i miss him so much. I ended things off with him because the relationship was so toxic. it was my first real relationship too so I was really knew to it. but he’d always bring up other girls sometimes and sometimes he would get frustrated easily. I know he was going through a lot and I was there for him. we were together for months. im not really sure if he had any other mental illnesses besides what he told me because he would’ve told me though. but some days he would completely ignore me and the next he’d be all nice and be the loving boyfriend I need. but it was so confusing and we really sucked at communicating. our relationship was just so toxic and manipulating. I didn’t want to end things with him at all but I know I needed time for myself, because in the beginning I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to get into a relationship so at first me and him were off and on. he was so patient with me but then there were times where we’d both be mad at each other and not talk it out. I think both of us really just needed time for ourselves but I know hes really mad at me but, that relationship was physically and mentally draining me, no matter how much I loved him. but that’s the thing, I don’t even know what love really is and what it feels like so I had to end things with him. but I miss him. because whenever one of us were at our lowest, we’d just text each other “I need you” that’s it and then whether we were fighting or not, we’d comfort each other. and now I’m at my lowest, and without him I have no one else to help and save me. I miss him so much. (AHH SORRY THAT WAS A LOT)