recent breakup with a friend - need advice

please excuse any typos I'm on a mobile device

m and I had been friends for almost five years, since the beginning of high school (I'm 19) and we were incredibly close

m was my best friend

but m was emotionally abusive and manipulative, and had been for the most recent year or so of our relationship. but I was in love with them so I didn't want to let them go

I wasn't perfect either, I was often jealous of m's other friends and was probably incredibly toxic myself (I'll never know for sure, I only know my own perspective, but I know that our relationship was wildly unhealthy)

I tried to end the relationship because it wasn't working anymore

m apologized and we discussed what was going on and I couldn't say no anymore, I didn't want to end the relationship in the first place but I felt like I had to

we lasted three months before I'd had enough and ended the relationship for real

it's been about a month since then and I miss m terribly

I can't move on, I've cut off communication but I can't stop going through their blog, looking at pictures of them

I have no intentions of ever speaking to m again, I've said my piece and I'm finished

but I can't stop thinking about it, I can't even cry about it. I miss m so much that it makes me feel physically ill

what can I do to make this easier on myself