Hello 🙃
Call me Cry, I've been in my relationship for going on 3 years now. I feel like we're reaching a stalemate, both of us struggle with the same mental health issues and have a hard time communicating about it. Like neither one of us wants to burden the other, which helps neither.
I'm not very close with my family and I don't have really anyone I'd consider a freind anymore, so I've been feeling extremely cut off socially.
I've noticed a comman problem in my relationship that keeps popping up, my partner likes to blame our issues on me, issues that aren't even the real problem just so he can vent to his freinds. I'm fine with venting that's cool, I don't appreciate being lied about though and when I confront him on it he'll start crying and talking about how he's victimized himself and how he's sorry but that's after slightly freaking out and asking me what I do for him and accusing me of using him because I'm currently struggling with my sexual identity and my libido has died because of it.
I really don't know what to do, I have no one to talk to and he just lies about things just so he can have someone to talk to, and it really fucking hurts and makes me not want to do anything for him.
In the end I feel like he cares more about the lack of swxual relationship than our actual relationship dying. I don't want to leave but I also don't want to stay like this.
@AsILayCrying Sending hugs🌻✨
First of all, I want you to know that you're a very strong human. It must have been really hard for you to take care of yourself and your partner as well when both of you are struggling. It takes a great amount of courage to open up about it and deal with it. I want to appreciate you.
I have dealt with a similar situation for a while. One thing that I realised in that was that you need breaks from certain things and a clear communication. It's definitely hard to open up about your issues but sometimes we forget it's importance. When you're hiding your issues, the other person is unable to help you and feels helpless. That applies to both of you. Sometimes it's not help we need, it's company and someone to just be there.
As you said he's blaming you because of your uninterest in intimacy because of other issues. I want to tell you that it's not your fault. It's definitely not. You deserve respect. You own your body and your heart and consent is most important in a relationship. I wouldn't tell you he's wrong about feeling so but blaming you is definitely wrong.
Then let's come to what you can do. First of all, take a decision that you want to heal and get out of it. You have to convince yourself which I know would be hard for a while but some days we have to make choices in order to bring changes in our own life.
Secondly, try to give yourself a break. If you feel certain things aren't going well in a relationship then it's totally okay to take breaks. Sometimes we need ourselves the most.
Don't skip taking care of yourself. No matter how hard a day is, try to remind yourself that you have you. You deserve love, care and respect the same way others do.
Lastly, do not allow anyone to disrespect you even on the days you feel like it's okay to.
You deserve love and care. You belong in this world and you matter. 🌱
Hope everything works out for you. 🤍✨