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Hello, looking for ways go deal with a narcissistic husband. Married for 5 years. Started dealing with anxiety and depression for a while now. Arguments can get intense and hurtful and he doesn't understand boundaries.
@hardworkingKiwi6735 theres a difference between someone who doesnt have respect for boundaries and someone who doesnt understand or forgets about them so it would be a good idea to know what the reason is why he seems to be ignoring your boundaries then you would have a better idea how to deal with it has he been diagnosed with NPD or do you just think he is based on his behavior?
Based on his behavior mostly, And I do believe apart of it is being careless along with how he was raised but idk what to do or how to change it. I was raised to care and be respectful. Know when to hush and walk away to think. He is a person that when he gets upset he taunts you consistently for a reaction. It turns into bullying and then feeling worthless. This is hard to deal with at times because I wear my heart on my sleeve and idk how to communicate effectively to a person like this.
@hardworkingKiwi6735 it might be that hes not putting much thought into his behavior and just repeating what hes learned if he cares about you he wont want to hurt you just have a talk with him and tell him how what hes doing is hurting you and making you feel bad
I have had multiple talks with him. I know he loves me but his just doesn't know how to display emotions as an adult would. You never know when he will be in an okay mood or mean. Imagine being okay all day until its time for him to come home. Then your nervous because your nmot sure what energy he is bringing. If he had a bad day then i feel the raft. I feel like I argue with a 12 year old consistently. Don't get me wrong he has changed since I've first talked to him about it or at least he makes an effort to change but once he is at that point everything goes out the window. Personally, being raised in an abusive home, I wouldn't want my child to feel the raft of what it's being said in the moment.
@hardworkingKiwi6735 it sounds like he has problems managing his anger about things that happen at work if you talked to him about it and he agreed that its a problem and you see hes trying to change if he does want to change it could be that hes forgetting in the moment and just going back to what hes familiar with when he feels that way when he goes back to those old ways do you make him aware of what hes doing and remind him that he agreed to not take it out on you? you could go in another room and let him know you dont want to be around him when he treats you that way or even leave the house and go somewhere if he doesnt stop so he sees the consequences of treating you this way will mean you not wanting to be around him when he does it
Yes he does try. But like you said. When he is upset it all goes out the window. I do remind him in. The moment and when he is in a better mood. I try going in another room but he comes in and out every room making a sense in the moment. I leave and come back and that only delays the treatment. I have tried it all. Might be time to give up
@hardworkingKiwi6735 you said that when you leave and come back it only delays the treatment but also he isnt like that all the time do you think maybe your just coming back too soon when you leave before hes calmed down?
I leave for about and hour or 2 leaving for too long will raise another issue.
@hardworkingKiwi6735 See this series - very helpful for dealing with narcissists https://www.youtube.com/user/DoctorRamanDurvasula
