Coping with him seeing someone else
@toughTiger6481
^^ tagging you because I liked the advice you gave on someone else’s post
My partner and I had a REALLY good relationship. He was so sweet, always there for me, I never questioned his loyalty. He would go out if his way for me and genuinely do anything for me. We talked about our future kids / house / our wedding, etc.
I was taking things out on him when my depression got really bad. I was really really awful to him and it was not fair. He had wanted to go to couples therapy, but I was embarrassed because I knew I was the problem, so I said no.
Things got so bad that it brought us to a breakup that lasted a week. We got back together, and had a long conversation, and he told me that he had seen another girl during that time. He explained that he really needed someone and was missing me and I wasn’t there, so he was trying to fill the void. He was drinking a lot more, he said he almost called her my name, and he couldn’t stop thinking about me but didn’t think we would get back together. He literally took her to where we had our first date, which I think also kinda shows that. He’s been super honest about everything, answering every question I had. I asked if he genuinely liked her and if he needed time to figure things out, and he said no, regardless of us he doesn’t have feelings for her and doesn’t want her in his life, so he needed to cut it off.
Things with us have been really good, there’s been a lot of healthy communication, but unfortunately the pain is still there and fresh
@lightSea47
hello , Yes i have walked in similar shoes.... i know i was going through a very difficult time in career and depression and i took it out on many.... including my partner.... people told him i was worse when he was around and he strayed
In your situation you were on a break and while that is not a free pass ....... you had healthy conversation and he was upfront which is very good.... while you understand the circumstances it is still lingering ....... and painful.......
i have come a long way ..... not in just understanding what went wrong ..........but........
the positions have changed ............... he is going through depression and things and has health issues............ that has made our life suck .....
i met someone ........ no...... i did not cheat but totally understand how that choice can be made .........having been neglected and ignored for almost 2 years ........ as he wallows in his own pity party ........... i have been very happy with an emotional connection although some may look at that as cheating.
This may not help fix your pain .......or at all........but being aware and open minded will get you farther then blame and using guilt........ in a way you could feel sorry for the girl who thought she had a shot .......but he was using as a substitute.
thank you for your response, I understand what you’re saying. I am worried that in our future together it will be something that continues to haunt me. I want to marry him, I want a future with him, but I’m scared we’ll be married and I’ll still look at him with sadness over what happened. I get the “how” it happened, but if he loved me, how could he replace me so quick?
@lightSea47
In pain or even anger we all can do things that with 20/20 hindsight was not well thought out......
many feeling lost or heart broke have found themselves in the arms of someone else ........ that is what is called rebound.
For whatever reason, it is extremely hard for me to come to terms with him finding another woman attractive. I know it’s natural but I can’t think about it…