Discussion : What is your toxic trait?
hello my lovely community! happy sunday, very glad to see you here today 
Often, we tend to discuss red flags in others, toxic traits our partners / friends have rather than reflect on our own traits and what we are maybe doing wrong. Having a toxic trait or more does not mean being a bad person - and it is really important to be honest with yourself here in order to improve.
this question requires lots of self-awareness and being able to view your flaws - it is definitely a hard thing to do and scary to admit our own flaws, but no one is judging you. we all have toxic traits. i have too.
so i would like to ask you to sit down for a moment and ask yourself,
what is your most toxic trait you can admit to?
majorrrrrr people-pleasing. trouble setting boundaries, sensitive. often acting out of fear. impulsive.
@AveryLove, I think it would be getting irritated with my wife over trivial things. More so, she is mild-mannered, as am I most times. However, I think I replay what I saw so much growing up, which was my dad flipping out over practically nothing, regularly. This is a trait I am working on changing, though.
feeling sorry for myself... i guess I never know when I do need a break or when I'm just beeing too soft on myself
@AveryLove
assuming any genuine love or affection i get from other people is a sign of manipulation and then acting very defensive/passive aggressive towards them. i need to remember not everyone is "out to get me" and that my friends really do care about me.
@AveryLove Hi there friend. I really like the question. Thank you for this! I think my most toxic trait is co-dependency. I enable others to continue to behave poorly and take advantage of me. It is something I am working on everyday- Establishing those boundaries!
@PeppermintStar0912
i can relate to that one
@BluSky123 Establishing and maintaining boundaries is so hard! But we can do it 
@PeppermintStar0912
Same same.. I mentioned it above. I invite so much toxic into my life cos of this and end up finally door slamming them when I can't take it anymore.
@AveryLove
This may not sound toxic, but i actually kinda get ahead of myself and talk to someone i care about way too much on the border of clingy
I'm not the best at communicating during difficult conversations. I usually shut down and ask for a time out. I need time to process and prepare what I want/need to say. If I don't get this time I tend to blow up emotionally. I'll either get defensive, angry, or start crying uncontrollably (depends on the conversation). I thought it was a good compromise but my last partner told me it was incredibly frustrating. Maybe I only say I need this time to compose myself but I really call time outs to avoid the situation. Maybe I use these timeouts for both. Either way, I wish I was the type of person that could handle problems head on instead of walking away and coming back repeatedly which stretches out the problem in the relationship.
@AveryLove I am anxiously attached, so that means I need a lot of reassurance from others because I have a fear that they will leave. Unfortunately, this comes off as clinginess and I am not sure how to stop it. I want to be good on my own, but I honestly don't have a lot of friends to support or understand me.
My most toxic trait is probably my dishonesty. I often find myself lying the everyone, small white lies, lies about my past or experiences, lies here and there, even in places I don
@livelysky
I relate to this so much. I don't know how it started but I've been lying because it's just easier than explaining the truth. Sometimes I don't even need to lie but I do it anyway.
I can cut people out of my life very quickly.
I think it's because deep down, when a friendship gets too close to comfort, and they start learning deeper things about me, I think I can get paranoid and do a runner.
I guess I experienced alot of abandonment growing up and this might be my weird coping mechanism.
Which I guess means I abandon others. Which sucks.
