@PeriwinkleBlossom
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
So the story is a bit long but Ill try and cover all points as succinctly as possible. I fell in love with my classmate when we were doing our MBA about 6 years back. After graduation we wanted to get married but his parents were opposed to it. (Im not quite sure if this is about arraged marriages. If it's not about arranged mariagment then this is an indication we are dealing with controlling, self-aborbing, and emeshed parents) My husband loves his parents to the extent that he wouldnt step up for his love.(This would definetly caused you to feel hurt because he is not standing up for you. I can tell he didn't learn the concept of being an individual and separate from his parents.) One day I got desperate and went to his house and begged his parents to let us get married. It was so much drama I feel embarrassed thinking about how I let myself be humiliated that much even to this day. We broke up shortly after. (sorry to hear that, im proud of you for standing up for the relationship. The relationship with his family feels like an inner circle where they don't let others in, so there's a chance they saw you as a threat. It's not your fault what happened) But then he didnt handle the break up very well. He reached out to me 2 months later. And I felt it might be worthwhile to give us a second chance. We were married 6 months later. (Hmmm way too soon) Meanwhile to cope with the break up I had taken up a job in a different city. He hated that city but he shifted nevertheless. But for the next 2 years all we did was fight! Day and night.(Something is going on up to this point thats making both sides feel disconnected and unsafe in the relationship) Hed say really mean things to me (He was quite disrespectful here and didn't argue in a fair way. This is an indication he is not showing enough consideration for how you feel, so it really kills your safety in this relationship) and some times even now those hurtful things come back to me. Eventually, I shut myself emotionally and became apathetic towards him. (I understand how difficult it can be, but you are allowing this person to keep mistreating you, and thats not okay. Love cannot exists without respect) In the midst of all this, I got a great offer to work as an expat in my company and I chose my career given the bad state of my marriage. (You did the right thing here, it was time for a change and to start something new) I thought the distance would help us heal. (This tells me you were trying to avoid the fact that the marriage turned into a toxic one) That was a mistake. The distance killed what little connection we had left. (I understand why you would say this, but he killed the connection by mistreating you. Things were not working way before you two were apart) In my new place I made some great friends and it was all well till somehow I fell in love with a friend. He was married, he has 2 babies, one of them a special needs child. I just thought it was a lot of affection I felt for him until one day he kissed me. I have never felt the way I felt with him with anyone else, not even my husband. Maybe it was just desire, maybe it felt good because we had a close friendship. We both understand it was wrong, he understands it better than I do. But nevertheless it doesnt change the fact I love him. He moved to another country a couple months since for medical treatments for his disabled daughter. We are in touch but I know theres no future to that because I would never break that family up, his babies are adorable and I genuinely love them. And of course he would kill before he impacted his childrens lives! Im still married but I dont love my husband. (It's really important you don't ignore any longer what you just said. This marriage ran its course, and it's very tough to be with someone with the negative traits as your husband) Weve discusses divorce many times and seriously considered it. I want kids, he doesnt, which is also a factor. (This should be a deal-breaker for you. You want kids, he doesn't, it's more than enough reason to find someone else who can give you this) We agree on none of the big life decisions either. But even talking to other men feels like cheating on this person Im in love with. (Its normal you feel this way, since you are married. I definetly feel its the right time to really end things) I dont know how and if to leave all this behind and start afresh! What should I do? (You already know what to do and what you want, but the fear of the unknown is holding you back. How long are you going to stay with a man who doesn't appreciate you and not willing to meet your needs? until you lose yourself?)