Doing too much?
I feel like I'm the only one doing everything in my relationship. I think about my partner all the time thinking of ways to make them happy. They say I don't need to and that I'm fine even if I don't. I just.. want to be looked after the way I look after them. And I'm insecure they will leave me if I insist on it
@huggiebear96
I think in most relationships there are one partner or another that does more maybe is more thoughtful in seeing that their partner is happy etc... But regardless of how much you personally do it does not change the person to do all sorts of similar things for you.
you will just in the end be angry and exhausted from waiting on him hand and foot ... IMO many men just want someone to do that and it does not increase their affection.
Example i compliment my spouse thinking he will in return do the same .... i buy him things he likes and i do not care for............. now he is insistent i like these things too cause i keep buying them (FOR HIM).
i have given up for hoping i am treated the way i want ..........I cut way back on doing stuff when he asked i told him the TRUTH........
"He is MORE then happy for me to juggle /do cartwheels and twirl a baton all at the same time trying to appease him but never does anything in return" ..........
he still is NOT the greatest at doing for me but he is TOTALLY aware and more appreciative of when i chose to do something for him.
@toughTiger6481 Thank you so much for your reply. It helps a lot to know I'm not the only one going through this. What you suggest seems plausible and I know I need to look after my own happiness rather than relying on my partner to provide it for me. Love to you and thanks for responding!
@huggiebear96
I can relate. An awful lot. And it's not like I follow my own advice all of the time, but I try to.
So... You can't sit around waiting for someone to change. You can tell them it hurts you and wish they don't get that offended to leave. Ideally, any emotionally mature person should be able to handle some heartfelt communication. But well, in my experience... It's so frustrating when you finally grab the courage to lay it out as respectfully and clearly as possible and yet they don't understand.
Do you notice a pattern here? Somehow, even if you try your best, if you're the one handling all the feelings, you will end up exhausted. It's the kind of responsibility that should be shared, so it's obviously too much to be beared one-sided. And so, if you do... Well, it's not like you can stop doing it, just because you reason "it's probably bad for me".
What you can do, though, is try to use some of that energy you dedicate so lovingly to others, on yourself. Take care of you and what you feel before someone else. To put yourself first, to allow yourself to be a little selfish, just this once.
You might discover what are your needs and exactly how they are not being met, and finally have enough peace to act on it.
Hoping all the best, I wish you luck ⭐
@TryingTBH2021 Thank you so much for your reply. I have been trying for years to 'love myself'. Somehow it just doesn't come naturally and all I can feel is critically judge myself, try to be perfect and just plain torture myself till I meet my own standard. I don't know what it is but I've always needed that external 'hand on my head' sort of thing.
@huggiebear96
@ElenaGeneris I don't cry anymore and I have healed but I still am not satisfied with the way things are.
@huggiebear96
That's life for us. We need to build acceptance for things the way they are😌
@ElenaGeneris That's good advice.