Help needed
Hey there, Thank you for reading this. I seldom seek advices on online platforms but this time I feel like it's necessary.
I'm a high school student. A couple of months ago, I lost all of my close friends because I spent too much time on my girlfriend. They didn't know I was dating someone, they simply left me because they thought I was spending too little time on them. I tried multiple times to salvage our friendship,but I failed. My girlfriend was all I had.
However, recently, we broke up.
I am all alone again, no one to talk to and no one to laugh with.There will be a school pinic day next week. I don't want to be left alone.
I realize I have to stop being an introvert.BUT I CAN'T. I have always been the quiet kid in my class. It would be extremely awkward if I suddenly start acting cool and outgoing. Moreover, my classmates and I don't have anything in common. I couldn't join their conversations. Maybe I need to accept the fact that I am just not sociable, at all.
I really long for a normal school life with a group of friends. In fact, I'm all alone at school. I have to stay silent for hours because no one speaks to me. Im tired of this. I really need some advices and social skills. Thanks a lot
wait sorry i guess i posted in the wrong community
I hope you don't mind if I answer anyway.
From my experience, friendships are dynamic. There are times you are very close to someone, and then the other times you or your friend have your focus on something else. If there was no conflict, it is probably the assumption on both sides that you are not needed and because of that, you distance yourself. I understand you are discouraged by fail of salvageing friendship, but it maybe wasnt the right time to try to reconnect. Also, I might be wrong about this situation, but I would be quite hurt if a close friend didnt tell me anything about a girlfriend. Being open and including friends in life situations helps with growing a stronger bond.
About the last paragraph, I would consider the fact you had a bad experience and it probably affects the way you are thinking at the moment. Why would you accept that you are not sociable if it is something you want to be? Also, why couldn't you become more outgoing? It is something that is generally found nice. I have seen many quiet people (including myself) that got fed up with it, tried to open up to people more and include themselves in interactions with others more often. It may not go smoothly straight away, but mostly others around you are normal, nice people and will go along with it in a no time. Also, have in mind that most people are concentrated on themselves, just like you said yourself: "no one speaks to me", but the thing is that neither you have spoken to somebody else. What helped me to deal with that feeling of loneliness is that i practiced noticing people around me, finding ones that appear waiting for someone to approach them, just as I was. The worries you have are common for everybody, probably not for the same reason, but the thing is we all worry if others will accept us, if we are good enough to approach a group of people, what if someone gets rude with us... This change I am suggesting is not something that will give you peace and reassurance right now, you have to see it as a mission to make yourself feel better long run. Once you learn to connect with one person at a time, you might consider approaching bigger groups. My trick was to find one person I get along with, then ask them to go together and approach someone new. It would help with my confidence because I didnt feel alone and weird. Besides, we could walk away and have a small talk with each other if we didnt find new company nice.
I hope any of this helps, but really, trust me, there is no such thing as a person who cant have friends. Try and fail until you find the right people for you, or until right people notice you.
