How To Become Emotionally Independent
We look for happiness from others, but this is an unreliable source of happiness. Other people will come and go, or theyll be emotionally unavailable for their own personal reasons.
And heres the thing: its not their job to fill our emotional needs. They are struggling trying to meet their own needs.
So instead of looking for happiness from someone else, we have to realize its not out there. Its within us.
Happiness isnt in the future, its not somewhere else. Its available right inside us, right now, all the time.
• Sit by yourself, without a device or distraction, for a few minutes. Look inside. Notice your thoughts as they come up. Get to know your mind. See how fascinating it is. This in itself is an endless source of entertainment and learning.
• One of my sources of happiness is creating, coming up with ideas, producing something. I dont need anyone to do those things, and they give me wonder at my own abilities.
• I also love learning. It gives me happiness, helps me grow.
• Curiosity is a boundless source of happiness for me.
• Learn to fix your own problems. If you are bored, fix it. If you are lonely or hurt, comfort yourself. If you are jealous, dont hope that someone will reassure you … reassure yourself.
• Take responsibility. If you find yourself blaming others, tell yourself that the other person is never the problem. Of course, you can believe the other person is the problem, but then you are reliant on them for the solution. If you believe that they arent the problem, then you look inside yourself for the solution.
• If you find yourself complaining, instead find a way to be grateful.
• If you find yourself being needy, instead find a way to give.
• If you find yourself wanting someone to help you, help yourself.
Create your own source of built-in happiness. Walk around as a whole, happy person, needing nothing.
Then come from this place of wholeness, of self-reliance and independence, and love others. Not because you want them to love you back, not because you want to be needed, but because loving them is an amazing thing to do.
@ashleyy512,
Wonderful post,I am sure a lot of us can identify or relate to some or all points mentioned here,have struggled along this journey of knowing yourself enough to be your best friend,to treat yourself the way you would treat a best friend,to get in touch with,respect and value the true you,your authentic self,where you don't look for other people to complete you,you are a complete healthy individual who wants other people to enrich your life.Not an easy task to achieve but necessary for our growth,it's a life-long journey and I am happy I am sharing mine with this community!Have a lovely day and time care!😊
@ashleyy512 Good reminder that I need to practice this more https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200810/the-power-be-vulnerable-part-2-3
validation has nothing to do with seeing ourselves as right, or even fair. our every action (however erroneous, imperfect or offensive) simply reflects our current state of mind and feeling. all our behavior can be seen as manifesting our inner programming, or conditioning, right up to the present moment. As such, it's only logical to appreciate it as well-founded, justified, legitimate or genuine--in a word, valid.
Once we're self-validating, we're emotionally ready to take full, unmitigated responsibility for ourselves, even for our least admirable parts. We're able to present ourselves to others with total authenticity--open and vulnerable.
once we've become self-validating our behavior will no longer be governed by the impulse to protect ourselves from criticism. Our self-acceptance will no longer depend (as it did when we were children) on the approval of others. Although we may not exactly welcome another's negative evaluation, we can nonetheless maintain our emotional equilibrium when it occurs. It can no longer be threatened by some external force beyond our control. self-validation leads to a self-control that safeguards us from external onslaughts as no amount of defensiveness--or anger and rage--ever could.
@John5,
So very true!The difficult part is applying it in our daily lives but ,nonetheless,we must keep trying,this is what personal growth is about - don't give up,progress is important,not so much perfection!Enjoyed reading your post!
